Vital Football

Latest Arsenal FC News

Vital Arsenal Betting Preview

Vital Arsenal Betting Preview

I pity the Newell


It`s easy to say the wrong thing. When the wife told me she`d received a fine for not wearing a seatbelt, I probably shouldn`t have responded with; "Why`s that then? Wouldn`t it fit?"

Mike Newell is in a similar boat. His controversial views on female officials have landed him in a spot of bother; but in my opinion, there could well be a nail with a pounding headache. It`s unfair to ask a woman to make crucial decisions less than 24 hours after an episode of Emmerdale.

All joking aside, Amy Rayner is more than capable. If I had to mark her performance using the binary scale, I`d give her '1`.

Is it a coincidence that Spurs are wearing a chocolate coloured kit now that women are running the line? (A lady will be less inclined to flag for offside if they`re contemplating a large dairy milk.) If you`re not cynical about the situation, you probably haven`t thought it through. There`s no need to ponder for too long on the outcome of the Blackburn v Tottenham match. Be a smarty; eat up the 8/5 about a home win.

Alan Pardew and Jose Mourinho are the undisputed kings of the goal celebration. Let`s hope there`s not a lady lino on duty when Chelsea face West Ham, or it could turn into a scene from 'Saturday Night Fever`. The champions have too much for the Hammers; their title hopes will be stayin` alive at 1/4.

Jose Mourinho has had a pop at the Chelsea fans, he`s accused them of being quieter than El Hadji Diouf`s wife. Chelsea supporters will have plenty to sing about if they cover the 2-0/3-0 correct scores at 5/2.

The word on the street is that Frank Lampard is to be offered a new deal worth £130,000 a week; that buys a whole lot of chicken wings. The Lamp has found the net in three of his last five games; he`s worth a nibble at 13/8 to score against his former employers.

It`s fair to say that Iain Dowie made an absolute 'Desert Orchid` of the Charlton job; sorry, I meant 'dog`s dinner`. Charlton are bottom of the table and haven`t won in Reading for 25 years, the Royals should be backed at a majestic even money.

Finding Michael Jackson babysitting work is tough, finding Mike Newell a job at the equal opportunities commission is even tougher, but finding a winner in the Everton v Bolton match is proving nigh impossible. I can`t see past the draw at 9/4.

Sir Alex was far from happy when news broke that Keith Hackett had arranged a meeting with Jose Mourinho. Fergie`s voice reached such a high pitch, Mike Newell wanted him removed from the touchline. United have won on their last three visits to Bramall Lane without conceding a goal, I fancy a repeat at 11/10.

Gareth Southgate has led Boro up to 13th place in the Premiership, which makes him over-qualified for the position of England manager. Liverpool have won only two of their last eight league match-ups with Middlesbrough, and both of those were at Anfield. The Boro look a corking investment at 12/5 to triumph at the Riverside.

With the managerial merry-go-round now under way, Stuart Pearce must be sweating like Mike Newell at a feminist convention. Fulham must be backed at 12/5 to see off Man City.

The wife hates it when i make patronizing comments; the poor little lamb gets ever so upset. You`ll be screaming if you miss Aston Villa at 2/1 away to Wigan.

Let me just clarify, I am not a sexist; I enjoy conversations about cushions. Everybody`s talking about the 4/6 on offer for Pompey at home to Watford; it`s as tasty as a chicken tikka masala.

I had a lovely Indian on Wednesday night to celebrate England`s draw in Holland; her name was Sanjita. There was an immediate chemistry between us; Rohypnol. I`m loving Arsenal at 1/3 at home to Newcastle.

The argument for this week`s accer is so convincing, Mike Newell is reconsidering his hard-line stance on women`s rights. Arsenal, Chelsea, Portsmouth, Reading and an Everton draw are the five selections; you have the right to collect at a bra-burning 15/1.


Weekend Betting:

Man City v Fulham
Saturday 18th November 12:45
Live on Premiership Plus

Man City 6/5
Draw 9/4
Fulham 12/5

Get on: Fulham

Match Special:
Papa Bouba Diop to score with a header 9/1

Arsenal v Newcastle Saturday 18th November 15:00

Arsenal 1/3
Draw 4/1
Newcastle 10/1

Get on: Arsenal

Match Special:
Henry to score two or more goals 11/4

Chelsea v West Ham Saturday 18th November 15:00

Chelsea 1/4
Draw 9/2
West Ham 14/1

Get on: Chelsea

Match Special:
Frank Lampard to score from outside the penalty area 10/3

Everton v Bolton
Saturday 18th November 15:00

Everton 13/10
Draw 9/4
Bolton 2/1

Get on: Draw

Match Special:
No goalscorer in the game 8/1

Portsmouth v Watford
Saturday 18th November 15:00

Portsmouth 4/6
Draw 5/2
Watford 9/2

Get on: Portsmouth

Match Special:
Pedro Mendes to score at any time 5/1

Reading v Charlton Saturday 18th November 15:00

Reading Evs
Draw 9/4
Charlton 3/1

Get on: Reading

Match Special:
Reading to win and keep a clean sheet 2/1

Sheff Utd v Man Utd Saturday 18th November 15:00

Sheff Utd 8/1
Draw 7/2
Man Utd 4/11

Get on: Man Utd

Match Special:
Saha to score two or more goals 3/1

Middlesbrough v Liverpool Saturday 18th November 17:15
Live on Premiership Plus

Middlesbrough 12/5
Draw 9/4
Liverpool 6/5

Get on: Middlesbrough

Match Special:
Middlesbrough to win 1-0 8/1

Wigan v Aston Villa
Sunday 19th November 13:30
Live on Sky

Wigan 6/4
Draw 9/4
Aston Villa 2/1

Get on: Aston Villa

Match Special:
Chris Sutton to score the first goal 8/1

Blackburn v Tottenham
Sunday 19th November 16:00
Live on Sky

Blackburn 8/5
Draw 9/4
Tottenham 2/1

Get on: Blackburn

Match Special:
McCarthy to score the only goal of the game 33/1

By Gerry McDonnell


Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Rocky7
Date:Thursday November 16 2006
Time: 11:40PM

Comments

0
brilliant article.....really enjoyed that one...
ernshaw
17/11/2006 09:53:00
0
oh that is class in a glass, very very well written and had me smiling all the way through...
PUREGOLD
17/11/2006 10:33:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Arsenal Articles

2016/17 Second Best Goal Return Ever

The Premier League season of 2016/17 didn't see a new goal record set in the top flight of football on Sunday, however the final day got extremely close.

Kroenke's Arsenal Shares Are Not For Sale

Alisher Usmanov's efforts to wrestle complete control from Stan Kroenke is doomed to fail as Arsenal's majority shareholder has insisted his shares are not for sale.

Arsenal's FA Cup Defensive Crisis Against Chelsea?

Koscielny will serve an immediate suspension following his sending off in Sunday's win over Everton, which also saw Gabriel stretched off - concussion could rule Mustafi out of Chelsea?

Premier League 2016/17 Assist Kings (22/5/17)

With Sunday being the final day of the Premier League season of 2016/17, the Assist King Winner is now known.

Archived Vital Arsenal Articles

Vital Arsenal articles from

Site Journalists

Write for Vital Arsenal
Write For Vital Arsenal
Apply Here

Current Poll (see more polls)

Everton MotM
Suggested By:
Cech2%
Holding8%
Koscielny16%
Gabriel0%
Bellerin8%
Ramsey0%
Xhaka0%
Monreal0%
Ozil58%
Sanchez8%
Welbeck0%
Sub - Mertesacker0%
Sub - Coquelin0%
Sub - Iwobi0%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
C Chelsea 38 30 3 5 93 52
2 Spurs 38 26 8 4 86 60
3 Man City 38 23 9 6 78 41
4 Liverpool 38 22 10 6 76 36
5 Arsenal 38 23 6 9 75 33
6 Man Utd 38 18 15 5 69 25
7 Everton 38 17 10 11 61 18
8 Southampton 38 12 10 16 46 -7
9 AFC Bournemouth 38 12 10 16 46 -12
10 WBA 38 12 9 17 45 -8
11 West Ham 38 12 9 17 45 -17
12 Leicester City 38 12 8 18 44 -15
13 Stoke 38 11 11 16 44 -15
14 Crystal Palace 38 12 5 21 41 -13
15 Swansea 38 12 5 21 41 -25
16 Burnley 38 11 7 20 40 -16
17 Watford 38 11 7 20 40 -28
R Hull City 38 9 7 22 34 -43
R Middlesbrough 38 5 13 20 28 -26
R Sunderland 38 6 6 26 24 -40
Write for Vital Football
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News
The Vital Football Members League

Recent Arsenal Results (view all)

Arsenal Fixtures (view all)

May 27 2017 5:30PM : Chelsea (H)
FA Cup

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.Naijagunner1
Vital Football Comment