Vital Football

Latest Arsenal FC News

Vital Arsenal Betting Preview

Vital Arsenal Betting Preview

I pity the Newell


It`s easy to say the wrong thing. When the wife told me she`d received a fine for not wearing a seatbelt, I probably shouldn`t have responded with; "Why`s that then? Wouldn`t it fit?"

Mike Newell is in a similar boat. His controversial views on female officials have landed him in a spot of bother; but in my opinion, there could well be a nail with a pounding headache. It`s unfair to ask a woman to make crucial decisions less than 24 hours after an episode of Emmerdale.

All joking aside, Amy Rayner is more than capable. If I had to mark her performance using the binary scale, I`d give her '1`.

Is it a coincidence that Spurs are wearing a chocolate coloured kit now that women are running the line? (A lady will be less inclined to flag for offside if they`re contemplating a large dairy milk.) If you`re not cynical about the situation, you probably haven`t thought it through. There`s no need to ponder for too long on the outcome of the Blackburn v Tottenham match. Be a smarty; eat up the 8/5 about a home win.

Alan Pardew and Jose Mourinho are the undisputed kings of the goal celebration. Let`s hope there`s not a lady lino on duty when Chelsea face West Ham, or it could turn into a scene from 'Saturday Night Fever`. The champions have too much for the Hammers; their title hopes will be stayin` alive at 1/4.

Jose Mourinho has had a pop at the Chelsea fans, he`s accused them of being quieter than El Hadji Diouf`s wife. Chelsea supporters will have plenty to sing about if they cover the 2-0/3-0 correct scores at 5/2.

The word on the street is that Frank Lampard is to be offered a new deal worth £130,000 a week; that buys a whole lot of chicken wings. The Lamp has found the net in three of his last five games; he`s worth a nibble at 13/8 to score against his former employers.

It`s fair to say that Iain Dowie made an absolute 'Desert Orchid` of the Charlton job; sorry, I meant 'dog`s dinner`. Charlton are bottom of the table and haven`t won in Reading for 25 years, the Royals should be backed at a majestic even money.

Finding Michael Jackson babysitting work is tough, finding Mike Newell a job at the equal opportunities commission is even tougher, but finding a winner in the Everton v Bolton match is proving nigh impossible. I can`t see past the draw at 9/4.

Sir Alex was far from happy when news broke that Keith Hackett had arranged a meeting with Jose Mourinho. Fergie`s voice reached such a high pitch, Mike Newell wanted him removed from the touchline. United have won on their last three visits to Bramall Lane without conceding a goal, I fancy a repeat at 11/10.

Gareth Southgate has led Boro up to 13th place in the Premiership, which makes him over-qualified for the position of England manager. Liverpool have won only two of their last eight league match-ups with Middlesbrough, and both of those were at Anfield. The Boro look a corking investment at 12/5 to triumph at the Riverside.

With the managerial merry-go-round now under way, Stuart Pearce must be sweating like Mike Newell at a feminist convention. Fulham must be backed at 12/5 to see off Man City.

The wife hates it when i make patronizing comments; the poor little lamb gets ever so upset. You`ll be screaming if you miss Aston Villa at 2/1 away to Wigan.

Let me just clarify, I am not a sexist; I enjoy conversations about cushions. Everybody`s talking about the 4/6 on offer for Pompey at home to Watford; it`s as tasty as a chicken tikka masala.

I had a lovely Indian on Wednesday night to celebrate England`s draw in Holland; her name was Sanjita. There was an immediate chemistry between us; Rohypnol. I`m loving Arsenal at 1/3 at home to Newcastle.

The argument for this week`s accer is so convincing, Mike Newell is reconsidering his hard-line stance on women`s rights. Arsenal, Chelsea, Portsmouth, Reading and an Everton draw are the five selections; you have the right to collect at a bra-burning 15/1.


Weekend Betting:

Man City v Fulham
Saturday 18th November 12:45
Live on Premiership Plus

Man City 6/5
Draw 9/4
Fulham 12/5

Get on: Fulham

Match Special:
Papa Bouba Diop to score with a header 9/1

Arsenal v Newcastle Saturday 18th November 15:00

Arsenal 1/3
Draw 4/1
Newcastle 10/1

Get on: Arsenal

Match Special:
Henry to score two or more goals 11/4

Chelsea v West Ham Saturday 18th November 15:00

Chelsea 1/4
Draw 9/2
West Ham 14/1

Get on: Chelsea

Match Special:
Frank Lampard to score from outside the penalty area 10/3

Everton v Bolton
Saturday 18th November 15:00

Everton 13/10
Draw 9/4
Bolton 2/1

Get on: Draw

Match Special:
No goalscorer in the game 8/1

Portsmouth v Watford
Saturday 18th November 15:00

Portsmouth 4/6
Draw 5/2
Watford 9/2

Get on: Portsmouth

Match Special:
Pedro Mendes to score at any time 5/1

Reading v Charlton Saturday 18th November 15:00

Reading Evs
Draw 9/4
Charlton 3/1

Get on: Reading

Match Special:
Reading to win and keep a clean sheet 2/1

Sheff Utd v Man Utd Saturday 18th November 15:00

Sheff Utd 8/1
Draw 7/2
Man Utd 4/11

Get on: Man Utd

Match Special:
Saha to score two or more goals 3/1

Middlesbrough v Liverpool Saturday 18th November 17:15
Live on Premiership Plus

Middlesbrough 12/5
Draw 9/4
Liverpool 6/5

Get on: Middlesbrough

Match Special:
Middlesbrough to win 1-0 8/1

Wigan v Aston Villa
Sunday 19th November 13:30
Live on Sky

Wigan 6/4
Draw 9/4
Aston Villa 2/1

Get on: Aston Villa

Match Special:
Chris Sutton to score the first goal 8/1

Blackburn v Tottenham
Sunday 19th November 16:00
Live on Sky

Blackburn 8/5
Draw 9/4
Tottenham 2/1

Get on: Blackburn

Match Special:
McCarthy to score the only goal of the game 33/1

By Gerry McDonnell


Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Rocky7
Date:Thursday November 16 2006
Time: 11:40PM

Comments

0
brilliant article.....really enjoyed that one...
ernshaw
17/11/2006 09:53:00
0
oh that is class in a glass, very very well written and had me smiling all the way through...
PUREGOLD
17/11/2006 10:33:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Arsenal Articles

2016/17 Assist Kings (29/3/17)

The final international break of the Premier League 2016/17 season ticks on by and a number of players are still in the chase to take this year's assist King crown recognition.

Chelsea In For £50million Alexis?

A couple of reports are now doing the rounds suggesting that Chelsea will be expected to hand over around £50million if they have designs on Alexis Sanchez this summer.

Premier League Free Agents 2017

As the summer nears and contracts come to an end, should the club have an interest in any of the following free transfers from Premier League oppositions?

My Attitude's The Same - Alexis

Alexis Sanchez has been talking about his approach to maintaining his fitness levels and stating that his career won't last for ever, he insists his approach has always been the same.

Archived Vital Arsenal Articles

Vital Arsenal articles from

Site Journalists

Write for Vital Arsenal
Write For Vital Arsenal
Apply Here

Current Poll (see more polls)

West Brom MotM
Suggested By:
Cech0%
Bellerin4%
Mustafi0%
Koscielny0%
Monreal4%
Oxlade-Chamberlain0%
Xhaka36%
Walcott0%
Ramsey8%
Welbeck4%
Sanchez44%
Sub-Ospina0%
Sub-Giroud0%
Sub-Iwobi0%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Chelsea 28 22 3 3 69 38
2 Spurs 28 17 8 3 59 34
3 Man City 28 17 6 5 57 24
4 Liverpool 29 16 8 5 56 25
5 Man Utd 27 14 10 3 52 19
6 Arsenal 27 15 5 7 50 22
7 Everton 29 14 8 7 50 21
8 WBA 29 12 7 10 43 1
9 Stoke 29 9 9 11 36 -9
10 Southampton 27 9 6 12 33 -3
11 AFC Bournemouth 29 9 6 14 33 -12
12 West Ham 29 9 6 14 33 -12
13 Burnley 29 9 5 15 32 -11
14 Watford 28 8 7 13 31 -15
15 Leicester City 28 8 6 14 30 -14
16 Crystal Palace 28 8 4 16 28 -10
17 Swansea 29 8 3 18 27 -27
18 Hull City 29 6 6 17 24 -32
19 Middlesbrough 28 4 10 14 22 -13
20 Sunderland 28 5 5 18 20 -26
Vital Football Comment
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News
Write for Vital Football

Recent Arsenal Results (view all)

Arsenal Fixtures (view all)

Apr 2 2017 4:00PM : Manchester City (H)
Barclays Premier League
Apr 5 2017 7:45PM : West Ham United (H)
Barclays Premier League
Apr 10 2017 8:00PM : Crystal Palace (a)
Barclays Premier League
Apr 17 2017 8:00PM : Middlesbrough (a)
Barclays Premier League
Apr 22 2017 3:00PM : Sunderland (H)
Barclays Premier League
Apr 23 2017 3:00PM : Manchester City (H)
FA Cup

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.connor2
2.Naijagunner1
The Vital Football Members League