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2006 Review Awards Type Thingy

What New Years Day is complete without one of those contrived reviews of the year past? So with token hangover in place let me beging with my 2006 Little Dutch Awards sponsored by some heartless corporation or other.

The 2006 LD Award for Services To Idiocy...
Sam Allardyce- Having blamed everyone, from David Dein to the pixies that live in his bum for not landing the England job, Fat Sam has continued his erudite rantings. After sticking up for Allardyce in the much maligned bung investigations, Allardyce rewarded Wenger with another false rant befitting of the slob he is. 'Nobody has complained about Bolton as much as Arsene Wenger.' Errrr, care to furnish us with a quote Sam?

Steven Gerrard- Prior to the World Cup, Stevie was insistent that England would win the World Cup. All they have to do is turn up right? So how did Stevie react to having his and his teammates mediocrity exposed before millions? By dumping the blame on the shoulders of a 17 year old boy who did not play. Don't give me the crap about the so called 'Gerrard Cup Final.' He scored an outstanding equaliser befitting of the occasion, but Nigel Reo Coker was awarded man of the match.

Ashley Cole- No need to explain really.

Match of 2006.....
2006 was a seminal year in Arsenal's history, so this is a tough category. Our first ever Champions League Final and the wins that proceeded it. We waved a teary goodbye to Highbury by dumping (get it?) the cocky Spuds out of the Champions League places. Dennis Bergkamp's testimonial opened the doors to Ashburton Grove and ushered out the era of an absolute legend. But I have to go for Real Madrid back in February and March. Arsenal went into the tie with no confidence and threadbare personnel, but took Madrid apart in the Bernebeu and won by a solitary wonder goal (it should have been more)from TH. A night particularly memorable for a Lancastrian barman in the Irish bar opposite my hotel for giving us about half a dozen free glasses of Jamesons. As the Kaiser Chiefs song 'Oh My God' blared out over the speakers at chucking out time, around 200 Gooners took to the Madrid streets chanting, 'Oh My God I can't believe it, we've never been this good away from home.' The second leg was quite simply the best game of football I have ever seen. Two great teams full of players who have defined a generation going all out in a no holds barred show of tension and quality. Jens pulled off the save of the season and the game was played in a terrific spirit. In short, it made our season.

Moment of 2006......
Again, the sides walking out in Paris was a tear jerker, as was the closing ceremony at Highbury, when your writer who prides himself on never letting sentiment attack his better judgement stood dorment in Highbury's doors until 7.30pm, unable to tear himself away from his childhood home. The memeber's day at the Grove and the first match two days later, the kick off of which I very nearly missed due to a train that took an hour to get from Croydon to London. But for me it has to be Mad Jens' last minute penalty save against Villarreal. Even from my poor position I could see it was no penalty, but I could not muster the energy to complain, I stood stunned, the thought the penalty could be missed never entered my mind. So when Jens beat away Riquelme's tame effort I celebrated with such ferocity that I knocked a guy of 6 feet plus to the ground. The final whistle was one of the greatest moments ever, as my battle hardened Gooner chum Kenny dropped to his knees and sobbed like a little girl. I also vividly remember literally dancing through the streets chanting, 'We're On Our Waaaaaaaay.'

Low Point of 2006......
I refuse to chart the Champions League Final, it was a performance of such heroism that, gutting as the result was, pride is the only sufficient adjective. Watching Thierry lead the boys out in Paris was an epiphinous moment. For me, the nadir of the year arrived in late November. After an abject display at Fulham a huge section of idiots decided the best way to inspire the team was to jeer young Alex Song. An act of vile ignorance from people who just parrot what they read in newspapers. My faith in Goonerdom has still not fully recovered.

Chant of 2006.........
I love the 'We're On Our Waaaay' ditty, but terrace wit is one of my favourite things about live football. You may remember in January a whale was dominating the news having become trapped in the Thames. The response of travelling Gooners at Goodison Park, 'We saw Lampard, we saw Lampard, we saw Lampard in the Thames.' Brilliant.

The 'Get In There My Son' award for overcoming adversity...........
Hats off to Lauren for his recovery from injury and for the quiet dignity he has maintanied in doing so, but the rising stock of Emmanuel Adebayor has been very satsifying. Particularly, as this site has been such a champion of his talents back when other blogs and most Gooners were positively on his back, now he is fast becoming undroppable. As well as an industrious individual earning plaudits through hard work, his form has entitled myself and my esteemed editor to lead soem very satisfying trumpet blowing.

The Jeffrey Archer 'Whopper of the Year' Award....
Martin Jol's assertion back in April that he had not seen Eboue on the ground requiring treatment was exposed as a great big porker when Sky cameras caught him screaming 'play, play, play.'

Goal of the Year.........
Henry's in the Bernebeu was special, especially given its iportance. But Robin van Persie's 'ripsnorter', as Mr. Mustchin dubbed it, at the Valley was one of the few times in a football ground that I have been literally stunned by a piece of improvised quality.

The George Bush Award for Ignorance....
Alan Pardew's assertion that Arsenal's victory over Real Madrid was not a victory for England (bovvered!!) was an ill advised statement. Belittling a great achievement based on the patriation of somebody elses squad is an appallingly regressive attitude. Wenger exposed it as such. Pardew then decided to celebrate a late winner at Upton Park by screaming in Wenger's face (though its true AW did not cover himself in glory). These incidents are even more unfortunate when one realises that when Pardew took over at Raeding, Wenger took his own time to advise and counsel Pardew on the ways of management. Of course Pardew has promoted his Engerland policy at Charlton, having failed to sign the Scottish international skipper, he has signed the Chinese international skipper.

Funniest Moment of the Year.....
7th May, 2006, Arsenal Tavern. Your writer is enjoying a sentimental pint of Guiness when a legend appears on the bottom of the pub television. 'Tottenham demand postponement as food poisoning wrecks squad.' The Premier League's response, 'JOG ON YOU MUPPETS!' Tottenham quite literally sh*t themselves and Arsenal had their fourth place, the living proof of karma following their distasteful actions at Highbury three weeks previous. Tottenham tried to blame the Marriot Hotel for dishing up a dodgy lasagne, but facts came to light that the cheeky Spuds had issued a tissue of fabrication. Only two players went down with the 'winter vomiting disease' not the ten that they had reported, and tests showed that the virus originated from poor hygiene within the squad. The Marriot Hotel are still awaiting an apology.

The 'Graham Poll' Ricket of the Year Award....
Well the entire World Cup was nothing more than a hyped up snoozefest. England's prima donnas were once again eliminated and once again found a scapegoat rather than identifying any sort of deficiencies with the squad. Sven may not have covered himself in glory, but Michael Schumacher would not win the Grand Prix with a Nissan Micra. Paul Robinson's 'now you see it, now you don't' impression in Croatia was rather amusing. The year was bookended with an entirely unamusing volley from Cashley which hit Essien on the arse and went in. But we thought Billy wanted to score the own goals?

The 'And Finally' Award for miscellaneous hilarity......
The Scouse dude at Goodison Park in January (must have been something in the air that day), who was on the recieving end of some good natured banter from the travelling Gooners. He responded to the chant of 'Fat Boy Give Us A Song' by clambering to his feet, hushing everybody around him before delivering an operatic barotone, 'aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrhhhhhhhh' worthy of the Three Tenors. Top man. LD.

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The Journalist

Writer: Tim Stillman Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday January 1 2007

Time: 2:14PM

Your Comments

Great stuff Tim. I always love these kind of piece's, good way to start the new year. The one thing I love about Arsenal fans is their sense of humour. We are not a violent bunch such as Leeds or Millwall, we are not a vile bunch like the tiny totts, but we do love to take the p*ss!!!
Super-Tim does it again...Superb read. Just reading the article brought back a whole host of emotions.
I remember a Man City fan making a similar assertion in the gooner a while back. He wrote in to say that Arsenal fans were first class because we can engage in banter without taking it too seriously, to which he added, unlike those Spurs fans who take themselves way too seriously. I remember a few years ago when we were taking City apart four or five nil, and their lot chanted, "what's it like to be outclassed?" and "0-0 in the second half." This is what going to football should be about.
Little Dutch
Oh and now Pardew's after Stokes? But he's Irish isn't he? Engerland, Engerland, Engerland.
Little Dutch
Songs such as "Come to buy some trainers" at the JJB, "Fat Eddie Murphy" to Jimmy Floydd, "You're the Spurs of Manchester" at Man City & the classic "We'll never player here again" are just some of the reasons why it's fun to be a gooner.
Not forgetting, 71-2004. Forgot to mention manager of the year, Harry Redknapp. Top manager, top man, and his son is the best football pundit out there.
Little Dutch
I'm a bit indifferent towards J. Redknapp, he sometimes talks b@llocks, and his voice gets on my tits. He's consistantly fair though and tries to keep his opinions unbiased, which he acheives admirably (unless he's talking about fat Frank)
I don't really like J. Redknapp. He isn't a bad pundit but as Paul said, he really gets om my tits!
top piece mister stillman. and please oh please, let's give pardew's team a proper whacking. I like charlton, but as for their manager... may he get boils on his balls. NO, i take it back, it's new year, goodwill to all men (except cashley ****). »»Arsene Knows««
Yeah I'm a bit conflicted on them. On one hand, I like Curbs and Dowie and there ground is a bus ride from my gaff, but I really want Pardew to take them down.
Little Dutch
I don't think Cole is considered a man is he? So you can be forgiven for wanting to slaughter the little b**ch.
Charlton is one of those nice family clubs that nobody really hates, but now that turd is in charge, a good pasting is in order.
Simmo just reminded me of this song....'You won the league, in black and white, you won the league in black and white.' and also I'm just watching the Spurs Pompy game and it's raining heavily with the away fans end uncovered. The Pompy fans start singing "You're wet, and you know you are" ....quality!!
Lmao. And now they're 1-0 down. Not a bad start to a new year.
awesome stuff LD, but dun you think there should be a special award for all the spuds fans who visited our site before our match against them? surely you can give them an award for the most optimistic fans in england or the most ridiculous..
A strike Frank Lamard would have been proud of!! If the Spuds lose that's 3 from 12 they'll have ovre the Christmas period!!
I ust said the same thing about Lampard to the lady's mother (who happens to be spurs). :D
That would be the most deluded fans in England luckys,but it's not an award particular to this year, it's been going on for forty six years!!!
Little Dutch
will greatwhitenorf show up again? You're wet and you know you are? Bravo!
I'm sure whitenorf will show up again eventually. Looks like he is ou new resident spud.
After the first North London Derby at the Emirates some unlucky dude was wearing a Spuds top on the train, a group of Gunners started singing "you're *hit and you know you are..." Poor guy didn't know what to do with himself, almost thought of giving him my coat, no one should wear such rags in public...
When I was walking up Highbury Hill with about 50 Yorkshire Gooners these two lost little spuds couldn't find their way back to the tube. Needless to say they were the most polite pair of Spuddies ever to exist for that moment in time!!!
When we won the league at WHL, we were given a police escort to Tottenham Hale. As we got on the tube we were instructed that the doors would not open at Seven Sister's. As the train stopped at SS, there were about two hundred Spuds on the platform, smashing bottles and thinking they were going to get on the train to give us a good hiding. Of course, little did they know the doors would not open, so a torrent of abuse was directed at them from Gooners, making them angrier and angrier (bear in mind this was some 2 hrs after the game, they'd waited a long time to start trouble), the looks on their faces as the tube slowly pulled away was priceless. I bet you can guess the hand signals emanating from the Arsenal fans as the train pulled away!!!
Little Dutch
haha priceless stuff, just imagine if we meet them in the carling cup semis, two fixtures against them in a week, just how much trouble will that bring..
I'd have given a testicle to be on that train Tim!
fat eddie murphy was really funny, even hasslebaink thought so.... madrid was the game that everybody made their number 1, but up there has to be not losing to those spuds and spanking them 3-0 at the grove,it was almost an anticlimax...but it went down well,even better than a madrid lady of the night...ahem
fran merida
More like 'lady-boy'
I bet htg asked Santa to make his team win something this year. Or maybe more desperately, this half century. However he forgot that Santa even wears red and white.
At the grove a small section in the west lower were singing vote off ray (to the tune of Here we go) at the Liverpool fans! (an X factor related chant for those who dont know!)
haha superb awars, should make this a montly spot mate, think you will find enough material, liek ashley's face when the own goal went it :P as for pundits, isn't Merson doing well, he really is funny.
Mers "awwww, he's hit the beans on toast" Love it.
htg thats no way to talk about your mother
fran merida
oh fran lets not worry about HTG, he is still upset they didn't do better than 4pts out of 12 over xmas... but then isn't that spuds year report in a nutshell, must do better.. gets easily distracted, has alot of room for improvement.
What hypocrisy to call Jol a liar. Its hard to believe that Wenger actually has eyes with the amount of things he "did not see" On top of that, he and your players fail to have the grace to shake the opponents hand when you lose. Disgraceful.
Jacky B
Not really, Jol lied, therefore one can deduce that he is a liar. Capisce?
Little Dutch
Yes i do understand - maybe jol did see it, therefore he lied. maybe he didn't. But where in my post did i say he did not lie? You skirted the issue, which was that your manager has no integrity whatsoever. He frequently "lies" and is ungracious in defeat. I was simply pointing out that its a case of pot/kettle. Capisce?
Jacky B
Click on the archive and go to 'Wenger's Whingeing Gets Us Cringing', an article I wrote two days ago. Jol did lie, there is no grey area.
Little Dutch
Couldn't find it. I take it that it talks about your embarrassment regarding his whinging, and too right! So Jol saw your players on the ground. Maybe he yelled play on because they kept getting up and going down like a yoyo. Neither Eboue or Gilberto were genuinely injured, so who is dishonest there? On top of that - you won out in the end (got in champs league) so why are you bothered? Final point ..... We were vindicated in that players have now been advised that they should play on and leave it to the ref to decide. Thats why he is there afterall.
Jacky B
Firstly, Gilberto got up, Eboue did not and was treated in the aftermarth of the goal. Secondly, the arrival of that rule does not vindicate you, it implicates you. Up until that point, players were trusted to govern the convention of kicking the ball out of play, but now that has been eroded because of your Machiavelian behaviour, players can now no longer be trusted. Yes we won out in the end, and that's the point I made in the article. Karma baby.
Little Dutch
Did eboue play on? was the injury serious? And the notion that players can be trusted to govern anything is ridiculous. you will get your Karma soon mate.
Jacky B
He played on after treatment, the convention did not hinge on the players ability to ever walk again, it is a case of whether he needs treatment, Eboue did. The notion players can be trusted to govern anything has not been so ridiculous for the last hundred years or so. It just so happens your boys killed that assertion for good. You've been promising karmic retribution for forty six years, still waiting. The lord does work in mysterious ways I grant you, but you might want to tell the universe to get its proverbial skates on.
Little Dutch
Ld, remind me to engage in a battle of wit with you!
Still finished 5th I reckon. Damn the Italian food!
LD - I'm back. I recall Eboue taking his time to decide whether he needed treatment or not. Innocuous clash with his own player. Got up. In danger of conceding. went down again. Fact. Players have been dishonest for a long time. People like Franny Lee had been diving to earn penalties before i was even born, so to say That Spurs "killed that Notion" is totally untrue. Yes , maybe some Spurs fans blab on about "turning you over" and bringing back glory etc etc. I dont. And i wouldn't even dare compare the two sides in that sense until (if) we start winning some silverware. However, I was not even talking along those lines. I was just simply highlighting your Hypocrisy (in the article) and bad sportsmanship as a club. I would love the lord to give you whats coming to ya. Unfortunately i'll have to accept the slow but steady progress we have been making. Which in the end, will be all the more sweet. Still, refreshing to meet a gooner with some wit and intelligence.
Jacky B
Sorry, i forgot to add, that the convention of kicking the ball out actually hinders the game. The World cup was a good example. Some games the ball was barely on the pitch. It became a cynical ploy (which in my opinion is what Eboue did) for teams and players to break up the flow of the game to gain an advantage. In that sense it is much the same as a deliberate foul.
Jacky B

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