Big Brother: Premiership Style
Day 21 in the Big Brother house.
Sir Alex has called a group meeting to discuss missing food from the fridge.
Sir Alex: Right now you lot who took the food from the fridge?
He stares at everyone menacingly and picks up a stray boot from the front room floor.
Sir Alex: Jol was it you, you look like you had a bit too much too eat
Jol: It was not me, I have had the sh*ts all morning and was wondering if we could postpone this meeting for another day?
Pardew: Lying Foreigner, it was either you Jose or Arsene!
Jose: It was not me. I was in the Diary Room Tapping up Davina.
Pardew: Liar! I saw you in the garden talking to Jade.
Jose: Erm no…that was actually Jol I was talking to…easy mistake.
Sir Alex in a fit of rage throws the boot across the room and hits Moyes.
Moyes falls to the ground clutching his face.
Jose: Get up, Get up! Diver, Diver.
Moyes gets to his feet.
Moyes: Look at the monitor Jose, look clear contact was made, come on look.
Moyes then has a bad reaction to the boot hitting him and faints. Big Brother calls an ambulance which arrives within 3 minutes.
Jose: What took you so long, Disgraceful, you should be ashamed, crappy ambulance service, Disgrace.
Moyes is taken away and the food debate continues.
Sir Alex: Redknapp, Big Sam I notice you`ve been very quiet. Anything to hide?
Big Sam: You think I'm going to tell you anything with all these cameras around?!
Redknapp: Yeah what dya think this is..Panorama!
They laugh, hi 5 and get back to today`s task of filling paper bags with banknotes.
Sir Alex notices a ketchup stain on Jose`s Matalan coat and immediately fingers him as the culprit
Sir Alex: Aha it was you Jose, Gotcha!
Jose: For sure, For sure it was me However an Albatross with an 80ft wingspan flew down from the skies and tried to take the food so I eat it in order to save it from the bird. Wenger saw this he was spying on me from his bedroom, he is a voyeur. Tell them Arsene.
Wenger: I did not see it.
Jose: I have documented every time you have watched me I have a dossier, tell them about the bird!
Wenger: I did not see it
Sir Alex hands out the harshest punishment possible and tells Jose he can only spend £60 million in the next transfer Window. Jose comes to the diary room.
Jose: How can I get by on £60 million I have already spent that much in the summer on Obi Mikel, Dead-Chenko…Sorry I mean Shevchenko and Cashley and I still couldn`t balance the squad. Please Sir can I have some more?
Big Brother: Big brother will get back to you.
Jose leaves the diary room……………..
Article submitted by Iceman