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Big Brother: Premiership Style

Day 21 in the Big Brother house.


Sir Alex has called a group meeting to discuss missing food from the fridge.

Sir Alex: Right now you lot who took the food from the fridge?

He stares at everyone menacingly and picks up a stray boot from the front room floor.

Sir Alex: Jol was it you, you look like you had a bit too much too eat

Jol: It was not me, I have had the sh*ts all morning and was wondering if we could postpone this meeting for another day?

Pardew: Lying Foreigner, it was either you Jose or Arsene!

Jose: It was not me. I was in the Diary Room Tapping up Davina.

Pardew: Liar! I saw you in the garden talking to Jade.

Jose: Erm no…that was actually Jol I was talking to…easy mistake.

Sir Alex in a fit of rage throws the boot across the room and hits Moyes.
Moyes falls to the ground clutching his face.


Jose: Get up, Get up! Diver, Diver.

Moyes gets to his feet.

Moyes: Look at the monitor Jose, look clear contact was made, come on look.

Moyes then has a bad reaction to the boot hitting him and faints. Big Brother calls an ambulance which arrives within 3 minutes.

Jose: What took you so long, Disgraceful, you should be ashamed, crappy ambulance service, Disgrace.

Moyes is taken away and the food debate continues.

Sir Alex: Redknapp, Big Sam I notice you`ve been very quiet. Anything to hide?

Big Sam: You think I'm going to tell you anything with all these cameras around?!

Redknapp: Yeah what dya think this is..Panorama!

They laugh, hi 5 and get back to today`s task of filling paper bags with banknotes.

Sir Alex notices a ketchup stain on Jose`s Matalan coat and immediately fingers him as the culprit


Sir Alex: Aha it was you Jose, Gotcha!

Jose: For sure, For sure it was me However an Albatross with an 80ft wingspan flew down from the skies and tried to take the food so I eat it in order to save it from the bird. Wenger saw this he was spying on me from his bedroom, he is a voyeur. Tell them Arsene.

Wenger: I did not see it.

Jose: I have documented every time you have watched me I have a dossier, tell them about the bird!

Wenger: I did not see it

Sir Alex hands out the harshest punishment possible and tells Jose he can only spend £60 million in the next transfer Window. Jose comes to the diary room.

Jose: How can I get by on £60 million I have already spent that much in the summer on Obi Mikel, Dead-Chenko…Sorry I mean Shevchenko and Cashley and I still couldn`t balance the squad. Please Sir can I have some more?

Big Brother: Big brother will get back to you.

Jose leaves the diary room……………..


Article submitted by Iceman




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The Journalist

Writer: Rocky7 Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday January 5 2007

Time: 7:10PM

Your Comments

presumably some ***** from another site will comment that big brother is probably Double D, even though he's not the FA chairman anymore :) »»Arsene Knows««
Wingston75
poor old tottenham,even our yids,i mean gentlemen of jewish persuasion are better than theirs.....
fran merida
double d is a gem. in fact, as much as they might have gripes from gooners laid against them, they have done stupendously well to have the guts and forward thinking to push on and realise the grove, which will be a wonderful ground for so many years to come. »»Arsene Knows««
Wingston75
iceman yet another genius piece of writing, i enjoyed that bit, the whole jose thing was superb, although i would of liked to have seen him talk a bit more like the dressing room piece that was aired on radio once, " you want to be champions, you must think like champions, be champion be champions, didier you want me to sell you and buy roooooney ?"" anyway nice piece very good very good !
PUREGOLD
I heard that radio piece, genius!
iceman10
What radio piece was that? I don't think I have heard it.
simmy8_2000
I enjoyed that :D Dont mind having a joke at your own expense as well, which is nice to see these days. Get Rafa into the next one.
Nozzy06
How could we get Rafa in? He doesn't really have any traits that stand out does he? If you think of anything...give us a shout!!
Rocky7
simmy i will try and find it for you and email it, it was Jose half time team talk, it is the funniest thing i have heard. it was an irish radio station any one remember it ?
PUREGOLD
I enjoyed it PG, thanks for passing it on!
simmy8_2000
hahaha i can't wait for day 22, and what about the previous 20 days? great stuff iceman, i'm passing this on to my united and chelsea friends..
luckys_10
Good man Luckys! spread it far and wide, we need to Ridicule the opposition throughout the world!
iceman10
just brilliant...very very good piece of writing........
ernshaw
 

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