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Alternative Money-Spinners For PL

I'm sure everyone in the world is now aware of the Premier League's intentions to add an extra fixture to the domestic season with a view to playing the match abroad in a transparent attempt to line their pockets with some extra spondoolicks.

Well, as well as petitions and campaigns, we here at Vital Arsenal have been thinking of money spinners to fill the Premier League wallets so they don't have sell the soul of our national game.

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Spot The Fan Competition - Every fan in England will pay a pound to enter the 'Spot the fan competition'. Pictures of the Riverside, the Reebok Stadium & Ewood Park will be sent to each fan who will then mark with an x the area they believe the fan will be sitting. Though trading standards are set to look into the validity of the competition after it was revealed the likely hood of their being any fans at the stadium meant it would be about as fair as a Richard & Judy phone in.

The Wayne Rooney Swear Box - For each spit fuelled four letter tirade the porky Man Utd striker fires towards a Premier League official, the ginger chinned scally will donate 50p to the Wayne Rooney Swear Box. Studies show that the projected earnings from this venture for each match would be enough to pay half of Steven Gerrard's weekly wages. Or alternatively, wipe out the third world debt. Twice. Rooney will also chip in a 1000 every time he goes 'ski-ing down the old pink run' with anyone over the age of 60.

The Sponsored Pie Eat - England team mates Frank Lampard & Paul Robinson will each be sponsored 10 for every Ginsters Peppered Steak Pasty they can shove down their gullets within a minute. The estimated total of pies that each player will consume is 9573. The official title of this event is 'The Lamps & Robbo Sponsored Pie Eat', but Fat Frank refers to it affectionately as 'breakfast'.

Selling Advertising Space - Selling advertising space is one of the easiest ways to raise funds for your organisation. However most companies prepared to part with their hard earned readies for said spaces will ideally be looking for their ads to be placed in a prime position where the whole world will see them on a regular basis. What better place than the bottom of Cristiano Ronaldo's boots!!!

Fine The Tottenham Defence - The only way to make easier money than selling advertising space, is to fine the Tottenham defence every time they concede a goal. Within only a few weeks, the Premier League would have enough dough to keep them in Cuban cigars for the next 2000 years, or until Tottenham win the league, though the former is expected to come first.

Take It From The Players - Most, if not all Premier League players are vastly overpaid, surely they would not miss 5,000 a week would they? Though it would be a good idea to put the AA and RAC on standby as it is likely there will be at least one swerving Bentley on the road.

The Arsene Wenger Challenge - Specsavers have promised to donate 100 to help save the Premier League every time Arsene Wenger doesn't see something. This is thought to be one of the great money spinners of all time, though the directors of Specsavers began to worry about going bankrupt after rumours arose that Robert Pires may return to Arsenal.

Hire Out Sam Allardyce - Everyday, all over the world, millions of square miles of outback bush and rain-forest are destroyed by fires. The simple solution to battle this would be to hire out Big Fat Sam to various countries, stand him infront of the blaze and then inform him he was given more than enough time to prove himself at Newcastle & that Steve McClaren was the better choice of manager for England. The volume of spittle coming from his humongous face will be enough to eliminate the most ferocious of fires. He could also moonlight at various oil fields in the middle east. Red Adair will be shitting himself.

Borrow The Cash - I hear George Graham has a few quid.
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Of course this is just a light hearted pisstake of a very serious situation, if you, like most of us, are outraged at the Premier League's proposals, then you can speak out against it by signing our petition, that can be found HERE!




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The Journalist

Writer: Rocky7 Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Sunday February 10 2008

Time: 5:59PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
Or what about getting every pundit on TV, radio and the newspapars , who wrote Arsenal off at the beginning of the season, claiming we will be fighting the Spuds for the 4th CL place, to openly admit they were wrong and as such will donate ten grand to the PL coffers. By my calculations the prem will receive hundreds of thousands even millions........... if all the tossers own up !!
radar
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10/02/2008 18:11:00

Guess the club - 5 pound per guess bet to where Diarra will play next. Bipolar Ivorian - Try to guess what will Drogba will say next, if he wants to stay or go.
k_chelski
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10/02/2008 18:11:00

How about 50p for every time a Liverpool or Chelsea defender hoofs the ball into outer space?
Little Dutch
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10/02/2008 18:12:00

As Richard Scudamore and his cronies are so into the idea of a travelling circus, why can't we have one for the UK, for an admission fee fans would get the chance to roll up roll up, Jose Mourinho could supply the 'big top', Daniel Levy could doubtless rustle up some clowns, Average Grant, Peter Crouch, and Ratboy Bowyer would all participate in the sideshow freaks in cages round the back. The main attraction though would see queues as far as the eye could see - The dunk the village idiot stall, here punters get to throw rotten veg at a target which when hit drops a fool off his stool into a pool of slurry, whos the unlucky victim? none other than Mr Steve McClaren. Guaranteed surefire winner, watch the bucks roll in.
nikolaijns
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10/02/2008 18:23:00

All very good ideas! The Pie Eat thing inspires me to get every supporter who's eaten a piece of humble pie for a certain player to donate 50p. I alone would have to give 2 pounds for Almunia, Flamini, Hleb and Song. Adding those who had written off Ade, Gallas or even Arsene, we'd raise a good sum. For those who wrote off Arsenal's chance of challenging the title, we raise 5 pounds each. And for those who wrote off Arsenal's chance of even staying in the top 4, we raise 10 pounds each. For those who openly predicted Spurs to get into top 4 at our expense, we fine 20 pounds each. That way we can raise millions! We can also run similar schemes with the faithless fans of Man City, Everton, Villa, Portsmouth, etc. who're willing to own up now. ;)
Lou the Gunneress
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10/02/2008 18:26:00

Petition has hit the 4000 mark btw! 4003 and rising, keep emailing all your mates and associates and giving em the link peeps.
nikolaijns
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10/02/2008 18:26:00

Oh **** Song's injured in the ACN final... http://www.premiershiplatest.com/news/arsenal-defender-song-injured-cameroon-a-557972.html
Lou the Gunneress
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10/02/2008 18:34:00

Yes Humble pie will be a good money-spinner !!.....get a fiver off all who said we need top a class keeper cos Almuinia is not the real deal ?
radar
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10/02/2008 18:35:00

I'll have to give in a fiver regarding Almunia. He's done well. The guy's a very good keeper but not a world-class one.
Aamir
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10/02/2008 20:15:00

WE WON WE WON WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS OF AFRICA. HELL YES. AND UNITED LOST, AND CHELSEA AND L'POOL TIED. AND WE *****IN WON. EGYPT FOR LIFE!!! HOSNY ABD RABOU ROCKS
.::EgyptianGooner::.
Report Abuse
10/02/2008 21:00:00

predicting Liverpool's starting line up; everytime Rafa alters his starting line from a previous league game, the Premier league should net thousands of pounds
49ers
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11/02/2008 03:05:00

Rock, nice one mate, laughing my nuts off at the mo! "Traditional" Centre Half Challenge - Mark Hughes and Avram Grant donate a grand for every foot their centre backs kick an opposing forward in to the air. The PL would be rolling in it.
Gunnerman
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11/02/2008 09:49:00

congrats and well done Egyptian Gooner! In my addition to the alternative money-making schemes I add: Rafa pays 1 euro every time he mentions the word "chances" in his post-match interviews, kevin donates the 50p in Brazilian reals every time he guesses a word that Carra pronounced, and Newcastle give 1000 GBP every time Joey Barton gets accused of smth.
G4L
Report Abuse
11/02/2008 09:51:00

How about Fergie donates 100 for every piece of chewing gum he chews and donates 200 everytime his nose and/or cheeks go red.
Aamir
Report Abuse
11/02/2008 11:12:00

Good stuff folks.... what about the SPUD GLOAT-ATHON where everytime a Tottenham supporter mouths off about league or world domination, they have to donate 2p! Mind you, we wouldn't do so bad with On-The-Spot 1 Fines for any Gooner screaming SHOOOOOOOT, when the ball is over 30 yards away from goal.
Andy-bayor
Report Abuse
11/02/2008 11:22:00

How about 1000 fine for Xabi Alonso whenever he scores from his own half? Or a 1000 fine for Becks everytime he gets a new mullet.
Aamir
Report Abuse
11/02/2008 21:23:00

This is actually feckin hilarious: The Arsene Wenger Challenge - Specsavers have promised to donate 100 to help save the Premier League every time Arsene Wenger doesn't see something. This is thought to be one of the great money spinners of all time, though the directors of Specsavers began to worry about going bankrupt after rumours arose that Robert Pires may return to Arsenal. LOOOL! :))
Blue is the colour
Report Abuse
13/02/2008 20:55:00

 

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