Vital Football

Latest Arsenal FC News

Alternative Money-Spinners For PL

Alternative Money-Spinners For PL

I'm sure everyone in the world is now aware of the Premier League's intentions to add an extra fixture to the domestic season with a view to playing the match abroad in a transparent attempt to line their pockets with some extra spondoolicks.

Well, as well as petitions and campaigns, we here at Vital Arsenal have been thinking of money spinners to fill the Premier League wallets so they don't have sell the soul of our national game.

------------
Spot The Fan Competition - Every fan in England will pay a pound to enter the 'Spot the fan competition'. Pictures of the Riverside, the Reebok Stadium & Ewood Park will be sent to each fan who will then mark with an x the area they believe the fan will be sitting. Though trading standards are set to look into the validity of the competition after it was revealed the likely hood of their being any fans at the stadium meant it would be about as fair as a Richard & Judy phone in.

The Wayne Rooney Swear Box - For each spit fuelled four letter tirade the porky Man Utd striker fires towards a Premier League official, the ginger chinned scally will donate 50p to the Wayne Rooney Swear Box. Studies show that the projected earnings from this venture for each match would be enough to pay half of Steven Gerrard's weekly wages. Or alternatively, wipe out the third world debt. Twice. Rooney will also chip in a £1000 every time he goes 'ski-ing down the old pink run' with anyone over the age of 60.

The Sponsored Pie Eat - England team mates Frank Lampard & Paul Robinson will each be sponsored £10 for every Ginsters Peppered Steak Pasty they can shove down their gullets within a minute. The estimated total of pies that each player will consume is 9573. The official title of this event is 'The Lamps & Robbo Sponsored Pie Eat', but Fat Frank refers to it affectionately as 'breakfast'.

Selling Advertising Space - Selling advertising space is one of the easiest ways to raise funds for your organisation. However most companies prepared to part with their hard earned readies for said spaces will ideally be looking for their ads to be placed in a prime position where the whole world will see them on a regular basis. What better place than the bottom of Cristiano Ronaldo's boots!!!

Fine The Tottenham Defence - The only way to make easier money than selling advertising space, is to fine the Tottenham defence every time they concede a goal. Within only a few weeks, the Premier League would have enough dough to keep them in Cuban cigars for the next 2000 years, or until Tottenham win the league, though the former is expected to come first.

Take It From The Players - Most, if not all Premier League players are vastly overpaid, surely they would not miss £5,000 a week would they? Though it would be a good idea to put the AA and RAC on standby as it is likely there will be at least one swerving Bentley on the road.

The Arsene Wenger Challenge - Specsavers have promised to donate £100 to help save the Premier League every time Arsene Wenger doesn't see something. This is thought to be one of the great money spinners of all time, though the directors of Specsavers began to worry about going bankrupt after rumours arose that Robert Pires may return to Arsenal.

Hire Out Sam Allardyce - Everyday, all over the world, millions of square miles of outback bush and rain-forest are destroyed by fires. The simple solution to battle this would be to hire out Big Fat Sam to various countries, stand him infront of the blaze and then inform him he was given more than enough time to prove himself at Newcastle & that Steve McClaren was the better choice of manager for England. The volume of spittle coming from his humongous face will be enough to eliminate the most ferocious of fires. He could also moonlight at various oil fields in the middle east. Red Adair will be shitting himself.

Borrow The Cash - I hear George Graham has a few quid.
--------------

Of course this is just a light hearted pisstake of a very serious situation, if you, like most of us, are outraged at the Premier League's proposals, then you can speak out against it by signing our petition, that can be found HERE!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Join the Vital Fantasy Football League - its Free!

Writer:Rocky7
Date:Sunday February 10 2008
Time: 5:59PM

Comments

0
Or what about getting every pundit on TV, radio and the newspapars , who wrote Arsenal off at the beginning of the season, claiming we will be fighting the Spuds for the 4th CL place, to openly admit they were wrong and as such will donate ten grand to the PL coffers. By my calculations the prem will receive hundreds of thousands even millions........... if all the tossers own up !!
radar
10/02/2008 18:11:00
0
Guess the club - 5 pound per guess bet to where Diarra will play next. Bipolar Ivorian - Try to guess what will Drogba will say next, if he wants to stay or go.
k_chelski
10/02/2008 18:11:00
0
How about 50p for every time a Liverpool or Chelsea defender hoofs the ball into outer space?
Little Dutch
10/02/2008 18:12:00
0
As Richard Scudamore and his cronies are so into the idea of a travelling circus, why can't we have one for the UK, for an admission fee fans would get the chance to roll up roll up, Jose Mourinho could supply the 'big top', Daniel Levy could doubtless rustle up some clowns, Average Grant, Peter Crouch, and Ratboy Bowyer would all participate in the sideshow freaks in cages round the back. The main attraction though would see queues as far as the eye could see - The dunk the village idiot stall, here punters get to throw rotten veg at a target which when hit drops a fool off his stool into a pool of slurry, whos the unlucky victim? none other than Mr Steve McClaren. Guaranteed surefire winner, watch the bucks roll in.
nikolaijns
10/02/2008 18:23:00
0
All very good ideas! The Pie Eat thing inspires me to get every supporter who's eaten a piece of humble pie for a certain player to donate 50p. I alone would have to give 2 pounds for Almunia, Flamini, Hleb and Song. Adding those who had written off Ade, Gallas or even Arsene, we'd raise a good sum. For those who wrote off Arsenal's chance of challenging the title, we raise 5 pounds each. And for those who wrote off Arsenal's chance of even staying in the top 4, we raise 10 pounds each. For those who openly predicted Spurs to get into top 4 at our expense, we fine 20 pounds each. That way we can raise millions! We can also run similar schemes with the faithless fans of Man City, Everton, Villa, Portsmouth, etc. who're willing to own up now. ;)
Lou the Gunneress
10/02/2008 18:26:00
0
Petition has hit the 4000 mark btw! 4003 and rising, keep emailing all your mates and associates and giving em the link peeps.
nikolaijns
10/02/2008 18:26:00
0
Oh **** Song's injured in the ACN final... http://www.premiershiplatest.com/news/arsenal-defender-song-injured-cameroon-a-557972.html
Lou the Gunneress
10/02/2008 18:34:00
0
Yes Humble pie will be a good money-spinner !!.....get a fiver off all who said we need top a class keeper cos Almuinia is not the real deal ?
radar
10/02/2008 18:35:00
0
I'll have to give in a fiver regarding Almunia. He's done well. The guy's a very good keeper but not a world-class one.
Aamir
10/02/2008 20:15:00
0
WE WON WE WON WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS OF AFRICA. HELL YES. AND UNITED LOST, AND CHELSEA AND L'POOL TIED. AND WE *****IN WON. EGYPT FOR LIFE!!! HOSNY ABD RABOU ROCKS
.::EgyptianGooner::.
10/02/2008 21:00:00
Page 1/2
  1. 1
  2. 2

Login to post a comment

Recent Arsenal Articles

2016/17 Second Best Goal Return Ever

The Premier League season of 2016/17 didn't see a new goal record set in the top flight of football on Sunday, however the final day got extremely close.

Kroenke's Arsenal Shares Are Not For Sale

Alisher Usmanov's efforts to wrestle complete control from Stan Kroenke is doomed to fail as Arsenal's majority shareholder has insisted his shares are not for sale.

Arsenal's FA Cup Defensive Crisis Against Chelsea?

Koscielny will serve an immediate suspension following his sending off in Sunday's win over Everton, which also saw Gabriel stretched off - concussion could rule Mustafi out of Chelsea?

Premier League 2016/17 Assist Kings (22/5/17)

With Sunday being the final day of the Premier League season of 2016/17, the Assist King Winner is now known.

Archived Vital Arsenal Articles

Vital Arsenal articles from

Site Journalists

Write for Vital Arsenal
Write For Vital Arsenal
Apply Here

Current Poll (see more polls)

Everton MotM
Suggested By:
Cech2%
Holding8%
Koscielny16%
Gabriel0%
Bellerin8%
Ramsey0%
Xhaka0%
Monreal0%
Ozil58%
Sanchez8%
Welbeck0%
Sub - Mertesacker0%
Sub - Coquelin0%
Sub - Iwobi0%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
C Chelsea 38 30 3 5 93 52
2 Spurs 38 26 8 4 86 60
3 Man City 38 23 9 6 78 41
4 Liverpool 38 22 10 6 76 36
5 Arsenal 38 23 6 9 75 33
6 Man Utd 38 18 15 5 69 25
7 Everton 38 17 10 11 61 18
8 Southampton 38 12 10 16 46 -7
9 AFC Bournemouth 38 12 10 16 46 -12
10 WBA 38 12 9 17 45 -8
11 West Ham 38 12 9 17 45 -17
12 Leicester City 38 12 8 18 44 -15
13 Stoke 38 11 11 16 44 -15
14 Crystal Palace 38 12 5 21 41 -13
15 Swansea 38 12 5 21 41 -25
16 Burnley 38 11 7 20 40 -16
17 Watford 38 11 7 20 40 -28
R Hull City 38 9 7 22 34 -43
R Middlesbrough 38 5 13 20 28 -26
R Sunderland 38 6 6 26 24 -40
The Vital Football Members League
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News
Vital Football Comment

Recent Arsenal Results (view all)

Arsenal Fixtures (view all)

May 27 2017 5:30PM : Chelsea (H)
FA Cup

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.Naijagunner1
Write for Vital Football