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Twenty Questions

As with all great pass times (or fill times as the case may be), football poses more questions than answers. Here are some of the noggin scratchers I want answered this week:

1. Who should I root for between Chelsea and Tottenham this weekend? Incidentally, would my preferred method of death rather be drowning or suffocation?

2. With Paul Robinson and Frank Lumplard reportedly likely to be substitutes for the Carling Cup Final, will the Wembley bench be able to withstand the pressure?

3. Chelsea play better without Lampard. England play better without Lampard. Why can nobody see the connection here?

4. Can Arsenal hold their nerve and go eight points clear against Birmingham this weekend? This could give us a huge psycholigical boost. I remember three years ago, Chelsea defeated Tottenham to go eight points clear, with Arsenal kicking off later in the day against Bolton and losing meekly.

5.Almunia or Lehmann?

6. Is having a night on the lash in Trafalgar Square really a good idea before a midday kick off away at Birmingham?

7. Last night, the returning Paul Robinson was serenaded with a rendition of 'England's number 1' from the Spuds faithful. Is this the first time Robbo has heard the term 'number 1' since he walked into McDonald's, before excitedly pointing to the picture behind the counter and shouting, 'number 1 meal, number 1 meal!'?

8. With Jose Mourinho now a distant memory, has Fergamoan reassumed his crown as the most annoying c**t on earth? Indeed, did he ever relinquish?

9. Just why was there no replay of Nani's kick on Hoyte seconds before Gallas took revenge on Nani? What are the BBC afraid of? Fergamoan doesn't talk to them anyway!

10. Just who was that wearing the Darren Fletcher mask last Saturday?

11.Wes Brown is reportedly turning down a 40,000 a week contract at Manchester United for more money. Is he unfamiliar with the expression, 'BITE THEIR F*****G HANDS OFF!'?

12. Are Barnsley better than Inter Milan?

13. With Bolton fans reportedly on the end of a rough housing by Spanish Police, why do UEFA never do anything about these sorts of problems unless they happen in England?

14. Did anyone else laugh heartily as Patrick Vieira got away with a blatant handball in the area against the Scousers? I wonder if Stephane Henchoz was watching?

15. After announcing a staggering 74.8m loss in 2007, how long before Peter Kenyon gives up on this ludicrous 'we'll break even in two years, honest,' nonsense?

16. Is anyone else really suspicious about this '39th game' malarkee? Scum Adore and his chronies have announced an embryonic idea to a public whose reaction was always going to be cynical to say the least. Surely they could have predicted the backlash? This smacks of an old political trick of announcing a really evil plan to an unsuspecting public, who predicatbly shout it down, before the authorities reveal a slightly less evil plan to a now mroe receptive public. The question is, what is their real plan?

17. Why haven't Newcastle fans begun their 'Keegan out' campaign yet? Five games into his reign, has he enjoyed the longest ever honeymoon period afforded to a Newcastle United manager?

18. What were the specifics of the deal Paulo Maldini did with Satan to achieve eternal youth?

19. Whose black cat did Robin van Persie run over? And under whose ladder did the hit and run incident take place?

20. How did Adebayor miss?????????????LD.

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The Journalist

Writer: Tim Stillman Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday February 22 2008

Time: 1:10PM

Your Comments

Yeah me too Q2 is brilliant! 18b. And not just eternal youth, how does this awesome talent run in the family? Is it Satan or God's love for la famiglia Maldini? (An online comment I saw somewhere said 'little fkr better not grow up to be good-looking too.') 'So effing unfair!' I hear you cry.
Lou the Gunneress
21. When will Italian (and Spanish, especially those in Calatunya) press and clubs just eff off and quit making up 'possible transfer' stories around our players? Today I saw on Gazzetta dello Sport that Galliani said something like 'With Ronaldo out, it'd be great if one of Drogba, Sheva, Adebayor and Benzema will arrive in summer.' LOL! LD, it's your Angelina Jolie thing again!
Lou the Gunneress
Yeah, the Jolie thing is not really progressing as I'd like it. It's difficult to build a rapport with someone when you have several restraining orders preventing you!
Little Dutch
LOL :)
22. Why did lehmann run out of his box 10mins into a european cup final in paris and hack down etoo???
That wouldn't have been from this week would it? Mind you, the Spuds haven't won the league in 48 years and still think they're relevant. I guess all Tottenham fans have trouble with a little something called 'shelf life.'
Little Dutch
Funny stuff LD, esp the 1st 2 questions. A good read.
LOL that doesn't count! For this week specifically, I'd also like to ask Almunia: 22. Did Arsenal send some exorcists to his house, or did they move out, or is his wife travelling to Birmingham with him so not to be home alone?
Lou the Gunneress
Oh, quick answer to Q21 already:
Lou the Gunneress
now now ld give a little take a little lol it was a bad decision though wasnt it especially when its the biggest game in your clubs history
Tottenham's biggest game for a long time = Beer Cup. The Arsenal's = European Cup. Long way down to Wembley from Huddersfield eh.
Lehmann had little choice really in the circumstances. The ref should have let the goal stand. As decisions go, it hardly rivals the appointment of Christian Gross.
Little Dutch
Would an industrial strength steel bench work?
Maybe not as bad a decision as telling the world that you are ready to claim a top four finish and CL spot before the season has even kicked off. Or deciding that Darren Bent was worth 16+m. Or that a diet of chocolate muffins and boxes of sweets was safer than lasagne!
Or Jacques Santini.
Actually, who do you really want to win on Sun? I want Chelsea to lose, i want Tottenham to lose, but i want Tottenham to lose more.
Lew I have to agree with you on CC. I also want Barnsley to win the FA Cup. And strangely I want Everton to win the UEFA Cup.
Lou the Gunneress
Oh speaking of the UEFA Cup, how did Bolton manage to knock out Atletico? I guess it's kind of answered my other question: Will Bolton or Newcastle bounce back first? Looks like Bolton are finding a way to survive without Nicholas "They call me Le Sulk, but I'm just shy" Anelka. Which leads to Q23: Will he or Drogba score against Spurs?
Lou the Gunneress
anyone else read about Reyes' Atletico Madrid losing to Bolton over two legs.... Good piece LD, and if you are on your way out on the lash in TS this evening, try the bar in The Trafalgar Hotel, lots of totty and excellent cocktails.
24. How on earth was Materazzi sent off?
Q.25, should i send my spurs mate an A-Z so he knows the way to wembley since he hasn't been there in a long time ?
lol, made me chuckle that. Must admit I really don't know which of the two teams I want to win the laest... I mean the most... no I meant the least.
The Fear
Spelling least right would be a start 'retard'. Can't stay long girls I've got a busy weekend ahead, and you lot ????????? bashing the bishop no doubt. (including Lou Lou) how'd the op go by the way ?
Over all... lame, yet not without glimpses of humour. But for us Chelsea Fans, its equally good if you lot drown OR suffocate. :)
Blue is the colour
Q.26 if spurs were to shock everyone and win, how long before we hear calls of TOP 4 and WE WILL BE BIGGER AND BETTER THAN ARSENAL ! ???????? YidEdy busy weekend ? yeah such a BIG game for your lot, but I don't think chelski see it the same way, they won't bring out a DVD if they lose, can't say the same for your pathetic lot.
PG they don't need that cup to start those calls of 'top 4 and we ARE bigger than Arsenal'... But it only takes a few bad results to stop those calls (and sack their manager). 27. Will there be a Chelsea box set of 'Double pride of London: beating Arsenal in 2007 and Spurs in 2008 to the almighty Carling Cup' DVDs, say next Tuesday?
Lou the Gunneress
Love the Fletcher one, that was the high point of his career and it can only go down hill fro here. And Huddersfield Yiddo, no 23, where was the offside flag? And considering we know you are gonna lose to the Chavs at Wembley, no 24, will it be another 50 years before Tottenham win a trophy?
Ozi Gooner
Love No.7 and No.12. Great one L.D
Point 3 = absolute tosh! And you know it :-)
Point 15 - got to say you have a valid point :-)
2 -1 and u ****ed it up

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