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Not Another Twenty Questions???

1. Chelsea have now been fined three times for failure to control their players. Have the F.A. finally learnt that the message isn't getting through?

2. What happened to referees giving dodgy decisions against Boro?

3. This Sunday will likely see Emmanue Eboue and Ashley Cole do battle over the same piece of turf. Who will boo the loudest, Chelsea fans, Arsenal fans or the neutrals? And who will they be booing?

4. Is there anybody out there, honestly, who can think of a redeeming feature of Ashley Cole?

5. On that subject, Arsenal fans are often told it is better to have English players in your team because it gives the fans someone to relate to. Honestly, can YOU relate to Ashley Cole? I mean, I have once vomited in a cab, but I certainly didn't tell the car owner they should consider it a privilege, and I certainly didn't end up laying some minging blonde that night. (It wasn't for the want of trying mind.....)

6. With Tweedy now impervious to Cashley's 'charms' would Heather Mills McCartney make the perfect wife for him? Because I hear she's available now.

7. Why can't the F.A. upgrade a yellow card to a red retrospectively? Did they take some kind of blood oath at Stone Henge at midnight that we are not aware of?

8. Tom Huddlestone's dive on Wednesday, was he corrupted by all those dirty foreigners?

9. Given that serial referee baiters Lumplard, Terry and Robbie Keane all shared a pitch on Wednesday night, has Mike Riley got his hearing back yet? (Because evidently his eyesight is still as shit as ever).

10. Which flavour of ice cream does Alex Hleb prefer?

11. Is Cristiano Ronaldo intent on ruining my life?

12. Which genius as Sky thought United v Bolton would be a better game than Spurs v Chelsea? Hindsight my nutsack, anyone could have told you the latter would be infinitely more entertaining.

13. Makelele's over the top lunge at West Ham, Cole's assault on Hutton. Are Chelsea the new Bolton?

14. 6-4 v Reading. 4-0 v West Ham and Fulham. 4-4 versus Chelsea and Villa. Is White Hart Lane the new St. James' Park?

15. Did anyone else see the irony of Seba Larsson being kicked out of the game by Nicky Butt on Monday night? Why, he must have been in a bad mood all night.

16. And did Stephen 'MENSA' Kelly endorse the fact that Butt wasn't even booked?

17. Newcastle only half filled their allocation for an away game at Birmingham. Can this pathetic myth about their support please stop now?

18. What the %&*£' has happened to Kenwyne Jones? I haven't heard his name in months. Is he still alive?

19. Why do Sky have to persist with this 'Grand Slam Sunday' shite? Does it make anyone else want to vomit? (See The Big Match revisited on ITV4 4pm on Thursdays for more innocent times).

20. Will ITV4 pay me for that last plug?




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The Journalist

Writer: Tim Stillman Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday March 21 2008

Time: 2:54PM

Your Comments

We are the midget version of bolton. We have tiny aggressive thugs. Cool ain't it?Did Adebayor lose his player powers somehow after cutting his hair? He is playing like a chocolate version of Peter Crouch.
k_chelski
He did Kev, I've been begging him to grow it back ever since ...... our entire season rests on how quickly Ade can grow back his locks!!!
Rocky7
Hleb only wanted a flake
ajwb
1. no because they’re too afraid of roman’s friends and their un-refusable offers 2. those only happen when they don’t play v. Arsenal 3. they’ll all cancel each other out 4. um, maybe his favorite auto salesman? 5. no one can relate to Ashley Cole, not even those idiot women with stupidly bad taste he snarks around with 6. do you really want to do that to your country? 7. I once read that men are genetically more prone to color blindness than women, and since the FA is made up of only men, maybe they can’t see the difference between the 2 cards 8. nah, it’s all that rich foreign food he’s eating 9. he’s always had selective hearing, permanently registered in MU’s favor 10. quisling’s rocky road chocolate 11. yours, mine, gooners the world over, he’s that evil 12. ANY game with MU is automatically better than anything else, what’s the matter with you, didn’t you know that? 13. no, they’re still Chelsea, nothing new here 14. the London version, yes, since they’ve brought in a Spanish messiah 15. I didn’t, unfortunately 16. of course not 17. a myth that stops outside of Newcastle doesn’t have much strength anyway 18. Keane probably smacked him around during one of those halftime talks and he’s never been the same since 19. they persist with it because the PL is sky’s servant and can’t prevent its masters from imposing their influence on the direction of the league contest 20. no but if they do, spread it around a little :-)
jaelle
If it helps, I'll grow some dreads!!!!!
Little Dutch
Oh and another question. Virgin Media you vile tosspots, the instant I drop your incompetent arses for sky, you instantly put Arsenal TV on, was it deliberate? Are you trying to ***** me off? Grrrrrrrrrr.
Little Dutch
So i have Arsenal TV now? cool
paul_ownz
Hleb had mint with choc chips. i was there. I saw it. he was plating on his DS. Ill tell tribal football now and the sun may publish it.
Goofle
Here's a question (and it requires a lot of words): The geniuses at the PL decided on a brilliant rule that limits club TV channels to only two outside the UK region for third party networks (or something like that). Which means that we poor gooner sods (I do like that bit of English slang) over here in the US and Canada are forever barred from viewing Arsenal TV (even if we subscribe to Setanta) because those two slots have already been taken up by the untouchable mancs and the russian chavs. At the same time, the PL has expressed a desire to "reach out" (take our money) to us deprived foreign fans who don't get to see live games week in week out by adding on a bizarro world 39th game. So which is it? Do you want to reach out to us or not? And LD, grow those dreads, I wanna picture!
jaelle
Fantastic again, LD. Please continue weith them and make it a weekly feature, because they really are top draw!
super_gooner
answer 2Q 14 is yes n no 34goals in those 5games so yes we r the entertainers. u be lucky 2c 34 goals in a season at st james so NO we r not newcastle. what odds cashley getting sent off sunday?????
dspurs64
Rocky, how 'bout a wig?
k_chelski
I'm not sure the universe would be fooled by that Kev. It's watching you know!!!
Rocky7
A little bit of hard gel then, to get the hair spiked and longer?
k_chelski
While these are good questions, I'm really worried now that LD's published them again (no league win since he started doing it).. Phew, good, now I've jinxed it. :)
Lou the Gunneress
What did Sagna do? He cut his dreads off for one game and he played bad then the next game his blonde dreads were back. Maybe Ade should ask Sagna how he grew his hair back so fast?
gunnerkid107
Sagna probably just stuck some wig-locks on, and yes Ade should do the same. Er, or stick some onto RvP or Cesc or Hleb or Gallas and make them score.
Lou the Gunneress
I'm just wondering on Q4: Is Cashley replacing Robbie Savage as the most universally hated footballer in the Premier League? (Which will have been the case next season when Derby officially go back to Championship.)
Lou the Gunneress
21. Did you enjoy Avram Grant's new attempt of a mind game when he highlighted his "mature" Cashley who came out and apologised (forced by their management/PR?) and then resurrected his dissatisfaction at Eboue injuring Terry and Arsenal's "lack of apology", while Arsene Wenger gave unforgivable Cashley his backing by saying "He's not a dirty player" and said he "regret it (Eboue hurting Terry) but it's an accident"? And did anyone miss Jose's drama more?
Lou the Gunneress
3. On the booing, did anyone hear Drogba say "we need the home fans to unsettle Gallas?" Class(ic). Compare and contrast: when Cashley came back to the Grove, Arsene Wenger asked fans not to boo Cashley because "he was a good player and contributed a lot to Arsenal when he was with us." I wonder if the Bridge crowd even hate Gallas as much we hate Cashley who's simply unlikeable.
Lou the Gunneress
 

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