Vital Football

Latest Arsenal FC News

Dear Jim'll Fix It

Dear Jim'll Fix It

Dear Jim`ll Fix It,
I am a 24 year old Arsenal fan; I follow the team home and away and have done throughout my youth. Whilst I thoroughly enjoyed the first two thirds of the current campaign, the last third has been pretty trying to watch as my team have unbelievably surrendered a five point advantage at the top of the table to find themselves out of contention for everything. Or so some would have us believe.

We Gooners have watched on in agony as our hotshot striker had his leg virtually snapped in half, a series of generous penalties have been awarded against us, whilst those who trespass against us in the penalty area have been forgiven, we have seen referees invent new addendums to the offside rule to deny us goals and have watched on with resigned disgust as Chelsea and Manchester United try to outdo one another in the "horrible bastards" stakes.

However, we have a league fixture at Derby County tonight and, with three games remaining, sit seven points behind the leaders. So mathematically, we are not yet out of the reckoning. If United pick up one point from their last two games and Chelsea only pick up two, Arsenal can take the league title by winning their remaining fixtures. Jim, I would like you to fox it for me so that Chelsea and United, under the huge pressure of a compact title race and Champions League semi finals on the horizon, drop the requisite points, whilst Arsenal win their remaining games and win the most unlikely Championship title since 1989. You see Jim; we`ve had our fair share of bad luck with karma failing to credit our account in recompense. I put it to you Jim that Arsenal deserve for their misfortune to be rectified.

Not only would this see the old myth of "it all evens itself out over the course of the season" upheld, but the comedy value of such an eventuality really would outstrip anything that so called "logic" could ever offer. Not only would this silence a hypocritical, purple nosed old Scot, but it would also sufficiently stun a rather unpleasant Russian oligarch. Not only that, but the little boy down the road just got a new BMX, and he keeps cycling onto my drive to show off. Don`t get me wrong, it`s a pretty nice bike, but I`ve got a Harley Davidson sitting on my drive. Fair enough, it`s three years old now and could probably do with a paint job, but it`s still much better than a BMX!

So Jim, please fix it for me that United and Chelsea are subjected to the same miserable luck over their next two league games that we have been victim of and let Arsenal march to the most unfathomable, and let`s face it, hilarious title win ever seen in English football. After all, if Arsenal`s capitulation really was down to William Gallas kicking an advertising hoarding and then sitting down, surely Rio Ferdinand kicking a female steward and the Chelsea ground staff brawling with United players should be enough for the biggest twin capitulation in history? In fact, scrap the above. Dear Jim`ll Fix It, please fix it for me to have Chelsea and United docked ten points apiece. Yours in hope and desperation, Tim Stillman.



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Join the Vital Fantasy Football League - its Free!

Writer:Tim Stillman
Date:Monday April 28 2008
Time: 10:44AM

Comments

0
The comedy value in watching two dogs fighting over a bone only to see a third run in and pinch it is a high one. The thought that neither ManU or Chelsea would win at least one of their last two games is more sobering. But as John Lennon would have it 'You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one'
Amos.
28/04/2008 10:51:00
0
"Apocolypse now then" LOL ....funniest thing I've ever read!!!!
Rocky7
28/04/2008 10:52:00
0
Kind of reminds me of a time when I was ten in my garden. My rabbit was happily galivanting around in the sun, when I noticed a fox sneaking up on it really, really slowly. It drew closer and closer to my rabbit, who was blissfully unaware of the fox's presence. The fox was probably feeling pretty pleased with itself at that point, until I grabbed a nearby cricket ball in desperation and threw it as hard as I could, hitting the fox right up the arse, causing it to scarper. Never underestimate the element of surprise.
Little Dutch
28/04/2008 11:12:00
0
Haha! Cracking stuff 8-). I had a Manc in the office moaning about the referree this morning. Same guy was quick to point out, 'things even themselves out over the course of the season', a few weeks ago. Not so f-ing sure now is he. Was horrible to watch that game on Saturday though knowing that there was only a 1 in 3 chance that none of the buggers would win, lol.
flv
28/04/2008 11:21:00
0
*This is.
Fan of Blues
28/04/2008 11:46:00
0
This one funny article! :)
Fan of Blues
28/04/2008 11:46:00
0
Hhmmm, question is with proffesional whinging like that Tim must be arsen in disguise. I get it BMX, that must be Spurs right, clever stuff. Back to reality then. ..................................... Maybe next year. LOL 5 clear ............. and you f11 cked it up, 5 clear ............
AggressiveSpurs
28/04/2008 12:08:00
0
If only we had won 2 of the many horrible, unlucky, controversial draws we have had recently (boro, birmingham, Wigan, Liverpool) Or got at least draws against the big 2 then we would be looking good to win the league. Realistically i can see Newcastle getting a draw against Chelsea at home and even Bolton getting a draw at Chelsea as they look to avoid the drop. It is then possible that Man U fail to win at Wigan but very difficult to see West ham get anything from Old Trafford.
paul_ownz
28/04/2008 12:16:00
0
If lady luck is looking down on me, Please let us win the league. My sunday league team finished 2nd and we lost in the cup final. Also above i meant top 2, not Big 2.
paul_ownz
28/04/2008 12:19:00
0
JIM FIXED IT FOR ME........... :-) This morning saw Carlo Ancelotti weeping into his cereal as Mathieu Flamini silenced the critics by finally putting pen to paper and signing a long term deal with Arsenal. The midfielder says he always had every intention of signing and was merely holding out because he enjoyed seeing himself in the press................. Well, if the above is possible, we can hope for anything.
KBGoon
28/04/2008 12:57:00
Page 1/4
  1. 1
  2. 2
  3. 3
  4. 4

Login to post a comment

Recent Arsenal Articles

FA Cup Ball Numbers Known (3/12/16)

With FA Cup second round ties taking place this weekend, the ball numbers for the third round draw of the competition have now been allocated.

Wenger Looking For West Ham Response

With the disappointing League Cup quarter final loss to Southampton in midweek, manager Arsene Wenger is looking for a response when we make...

Vital Preview - Premier League, 3rd-5th Dec 2016

The 2016-17 season continues with the latest round of games this weekend, which will see us among those involved in this schedule with three points of course the aim.

Cech & Holding Talk Southampton

Petr Cech and Rob Holding have been speaking following defeat to Southampton in the quarter finals of the League Cup.

Archived Vital Arsenal Articles

Vital Arsenal articles from

Site Journalists

Rocky7
Editor email
Profile
ClockEnd124
no email
Profile
Amos
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

West Ham United v Arsenal
Suggested By:
Arsenal win50%
West Ham win50%
Draw0%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Chelsea 13 10 1 2 31 19
2 Liverpool 13 9 3 1 30 18
3 Man City 13 9 3 1 30 17
4 Arsenal 13 8 4 1 28 15
5 Spurs 13 6 6 1 24 9
6 Man Utd 13 5 5 3 20 3
7 Everton 13 5 4 4 19 1
8 Watford 13 5 3 5 18 -4
9 WBA 13 4 5 4 17 1
10 Southampton 13 4 5 4 17 1
11 Stoke 13 4 4 5 16 -5
12 AFC Bournemouth 13 4 3 6 15 -4
13 Burnley 13 4 2 7 14 -9
14 Leicester City 13 3 4 6 13 -6
15 Middlesbrough 13 2 6 5 12 -3
16 West Ham 13 3 3 7 12 -10
17 Crystal Palace 13 3 2 8 11 -5
18 Hull City 13 3 2 8 11 -17
19 Swansea 13 2 3 8 9 -10
20 Sunderland 13 2 2 9 8 -11
Vital Football Comment
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News
Write for Vital Football

Recent Arsenal Results (view all)

Arsenal Fixtures (view all)

Dec 3 2016 5:30PM : West Ham United (a)
Barclays Premier League
Dec 10 2016 3:00PM : Stoke City (H)
Barclays Premier League
Dec 13 2016 7:45PM : Everton (a)
Barclays Premier League
Dec 18 2016 4:00PM : Manchester City (a)
Barclays Premier League
Dec 26 2016 3:00PM : West Bromwich Albion (H)
Barclays Premier League
Jan 1 2017 4:00PM : Crystal Palace (H)
Barclays Premier League
The Vital Football Members League