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Wenger Transfer Speak

I have always found it amusing how eagerly Wenger's words are latched onto during the summer months. Supporters take a stranglehold of the most innocuous utterance, grab it by the lapels and shake it like a polaroid picture, leaving Wenger's verbs lying shaking in the gutter, disoriented and confused. I have recently been re reading 1984 and some of the parallels are quite striking. So to save you the psychological slog of deconstructing Wenger's savy sentences, I thought I'd produce a pocket guide to what Le Prof actually means. Remember, ignorance is strength, war is peace and freedom is slavery.

'We are not currently in the market for anyone.' We are soooooo in the market for someone, but don't want to look desperate in negotiations.

'We are interested only in super, super class players. If any come along we are interested, but at the moment we find nobody.' We are going to sign a Mongolian 19 year old, he is having a medical and will be unveiled tomorrow.

'At the moment, I don't think we need to strengthen in this area.' We really need to strengthen in this area, luckily I have just found a 19 year old Mongolian to fill in. He is having a medical and will be unveiled tomorrow.

'Yes, supporters can expect at least one new signing soon.' We will sign someone at 11.59pm on deadline day and no sooner.

'He is under contract and definitely not leaving.' He will leave as soon as I can mug Barcelona off for a stupid amount of cash. His replacement will be a Mongolian 19 year old, who will be brilliant and this time next year will agitate for a move to Barcelona, whereupon I will mug Barcelona off all over again.

'We are in negotiations with player x and hope something will happen in the next few days.' We have absolutely no interest in player x, we are simply throwing Chelsea off the scent whilst we conclude a deal for the player we actually want. He is 19 and comes from Mon.........

'I am happy to go into the season with the players we have.' The squad needs new players, but I don't want to upset the ones I've got. I mean, wouldn't it be stupid to tell them they're not good enough?

'I am worried about any new signings killing my younger players.' I have made a bid for Joey Barton.

'We are comfortable with our decision to let player x go and wish him all the best.' We're glad to see the back of player x because he's obviously a twat.

'I feel he was a bit impatient because of Euro 2008 and so he really wanted to leave.' He is a dolphin headed, cry baby little tosspot who gave up being first choice at Arsenal to be part of a France squad that were eliminated in the group stage without him playing a single minute. HA HA HA! That'll teach you to mess with me, fuckface.

'He is a fantastic prospect with a good humble attitude and a desire to improve.' He is not English.

'We wanted to give Jens fifteen minutes at the end because we wanted to thank him and show our respect for him.' When I told Jens we weren't renewing his contract he threatened to headbutt me.

'We are delighted player x has decided to extend his contract with us and look forward to him having great years to come with Arsenal.' I am delighted player x has extended his contract. When he inevitably agitates for a move to Barcelona next summer, I will have those insufferable bastards well and truly by the cahouns and will mug them for 30m. Think of all the Mongolian 19 year olds I could buy with that.......LD.




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The Journalist

Writer: Tim Stillman Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Sunday July 20 2008

Time: 1:09PM

Your Comments

Haha, very good.
Gooner_Vin
LOL an absalut classic.
Armory
Great Stuff as ever LD. Whose this 19 year old Mongolian wonderkid though? He sounds good. Will he get a CC place next season do you think? Will he even get a work permit? Don't we have to loan him out to a Chinese club for a couple of seasons? Frankly I'm a bit worried about this one - but if Arsene thinks he's alright then I suppose......
Amos.
Oh mate, this cracks me up soo much, hahahaha
gooner_till_i_die
Lol, 'We have made a bid for joey barton'.!! Amos, i'm not so sure sending him on loan to a Chinese club will help much in getting a work permit...
ArsenalRob
LD that was DAMN funny!
devvil
I can see the headline on Caught Offside now " Wenger in for 30m Mongolian wonderkid - would be a great buy " - This could clog up NewsNow for a week if ti gets out
edinburghgooner
That said - I think you are closer to the truth in some respects than maybe you realise - excellent read
edinburghgooner
LMFAO! loved it! its nice to read somethings with alittle humor on here once in a while :-) great read !
Achilles
LOL - I don't know whether it's because I've been swigging Magner's in the pub all afternoon, but I laughed more with each phrase. The Joey Barton one in particular was genius!! Nice one LD, brilliant stuff!!!
Rocky7
LOL :)
Adam Deuce
love the Joey Barton 1
Jess433
LOL, good stuff LD. Despite all of them being in jest, some of them are close to the truth.
prits
LOL yeah I guess it's got to be Joey Barton, now that Robbie Savage is semi-retired.
Lou the Gunneress
Interesting quotes from Wenger today saying Adebayor has denied "99%" of the quotes attributed to him. Interesting to know which 1% is true then!
Little Dutch
Where are these quotes???
MrArsenal
I'm having trouble posting the link, but they're on setanta, "I don't know what has gone on because a lot has been denied, it is very difficult to know what is true and what is said and not said, he denies 99 percent of it. "I have never met many people who have said 'I do not have a case for a new contract'! We are always ready and I fight always to get the players the maximum wages but you have to respect the wage structure." Typically, this doesn't feature in the headline of the piece, the headline is something to do with our free spending rivals?! Did I miss something? Our rivals have bought less than we have!
Little Dutch
You mean 15 year old Mongolian, don't you?
zenchris
Quite funny...
watford1881
he shud go to spec savers
123spurs
nice one LD.
supersof
and you should reading our vitalwebsite you bellend.
gooner_till_i_die
wenger does look like a ***** in tht pic , and most of the time
Jess433
LD. Lol... Interesting.. more true than now in many of the cases and quite funny
TeamSpirit
Someone with a name like jess throwing out insults!!! Ha ha how ironic!!!
MrArsenal
r.A, whats wrong with a name like Jess?
TeamSpirit
dramatic stories about arsenal sell papers End of.
TeamSpirit
"'I am worried about any new signings killing my younger players.' I have made a bid for Joey Barton." --- OMG, I almost spit out my coffee this morning reading that!!! Loved that Jens headbutt one too!
jaelle
lol at the barton one! nice piece of writing from beginning to end!
afri-gooner
ya he'll also try to pick a guy from the australian 2nd division and kazaksthan 4 tier....
roni_spurs
 

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