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Match Ratings: Arsenal Ladies v Tottenham Hotpsur

1.Manuel ALMUNIA- The poor little flower obviously didn't fancy get his nails all chipped and dirty, so refused to actually hold the ball all match. Still, lovely bleach job, really covers the greys. 4

3.Bacary SAGNA- Went for a kicky summer braded do, which is perhaps understandable in the Bahamas in August, but not really the right cut for a winters evening in North London. Nice heels though. 6

4.Francesca FABREGAS- Cute little alice band to augment new flowing locks. Looked a little greasy there, maybe some Head and Shoulders next time ducky. In all seriousness, an apology from you Mr. Fabregas please. Quickly. 2

8.Samantha NASRI- A little bit of a shrinking violet on the night, though a rather fetching dainty little dink for the third goal was very becoming. 6

10.William GALLAS(c)- Compromised the femininity of the otherwise lubricious looking side by clearing displaying a pair of bollocks. Almost like he was spending the whole night trying to compensate for Michaela Silvestre's complete lack therof. Very unlady like. 8

11.Robin van PERSIE- Wasn't she the precious little wallflower? Complimented the clearly menstrual Adebayor on several occasions. Swish dance moves after the fourth goal, really looked the belle of the ball. 7.5

14.Tia WALCOTT- Full of graceful running and polite endeavour, looks fantastic up top but still doesn't pay enough attention to her behind. 7

15.DENILSON Pereira de Neves- Pretty in that kind of Plain Jane sort of way. Taciturnly tried to do all the chores for the prettier, slimmer girls, but was over run in truth. 6

18.Michaela SILVESTRE- Philippa Senderos looks markedly more attractive now. Fighting for the same balls as Gallas all night, any woman will tell you that balls are usually responsible when two girlfiends fall out. 5

22.Gael CLICHY- Those ill advised stiletto heels really came back to bite her. Twat. 3

25.Emmanuel ADEBAYOR- Looked a little bit menstrual, was not really joining in with the other girls. Maybe it was something to do with those horrible green boots. Looked tired and emotional towards the end. 6

SUBSTITUTES

27.Emmanuel Eboue- Didn't fancy getting her shoes dirty. Bit of a flirt, looked like she was ravenously going after some tackles, before pulling out and complaining of a headache at the last moment. 6

2.Vassiriki Abou Diaby- Showed suspicions of testticular fortitude at first, before a bitchy foul on Bentley proved this cat has claws. Meow. 6

17.Alexandra Song Billong- In chasing down Jenas for Spurs' third goal, managed to look more delicate and efemenate than Jermaine Jenas. Alexandra outpreened the preening queen, top marks girlfriend. 5




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The Journalist

Writer: Tim Stillman Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Thursday October 30 2008

Time: 1:08PM

Your Comments

Hahaha, funny and slightly... disturbing read.
RussianHammer
This put a smile on my face, Tim. Thank you. This article may have been written in jest, but it hits close to home for this team.
prits
Whats the ******** point of puting in 3 DMS for 3 attackers when the 3DMS won't defend. Diaby, Eboue and Song all deserve 0.
korodon
Brilliant, lol. As for Almunia, funny how any other cross or corner or shot is somewhat theatrically punched away or tipped over but when it comes to a normal shot it just bounces timidly straight out.
Gooner_Vin
LOL - Nice one Tim!
Rocky7
lmao!
Audere est Facere
these ratings are not meant to be taken seriously, are they? They just read more like emotional outbursts rather than rational ratings. Fab and Clichy deserved a 2 and 3 for the errors committed in the game while Adebayor managed a 6 despite the f***ing lack of interest/commitment shown throughout the season?
Temasek
Fabregas' error amounted to sabotage, he gave Spurs their teamtalk. Clichy's was not a one off either. Why was Cole booed in an England shirt last month? Not because of the mistake, but because of the pig headed arrogance of it. Similar deal with Clichy, who clearly has learned nowt from last season. Adebayor looked withdrawn, but came out with one goal and one assist. That's quite an investment.
Little Dutch
At least it shows you lot have a sense of humour. Fabregas looks like a pre-burned Tevez.
k_chelski
I'm going to show my van Persie bias here, but how on earth can you possibly call his preformance a girlish one?!? LD, he had 3 assists and a goal, and last time I checked we only scored 4. Wonderful article besides that. RVP was hungry all night, and had maybe his best game ever in an Arsenal shirt.
gunnerkid107
I thought he had a good game too, as reflected in the rating. He still drifted out of it a few times and there were instances in the first half where he could have put Walcott clean through on goal, but spent precious seconds spinning the ball back onto his left foot for a three yeard pass. Then he goes and smashes one in with his right foot and it makes you even more infuriated that he uses it so seldom.
Little Dutch
Fantastic article LD. Well written and on the whole of it very accurate. The criticism of Fabregas is a little harsh in my opinion. Yes, what he supposedly said to a national newspaper was wrong and stupid but that did not in any way affect what happened last night. We were by far the superior side and the only reason we drew last night, and when I first wrote his I said lost (that's what it felt like last night), was because we lost concentration and Clichy had one of his moments. What Cesc said to the paper had no bearing on the result, which actually surprised me because I thought Spurs would come out all guns blazing and give us a tough match. In fairness, before all the Spuds fans hurrang me, we dominated that game and deserved to win. We would have done had it not been for Clichy and the defense, not what Fabregas said.
adamski243
Well..can't be bothered rating the players..the consolation would have been that the season is still young...but brace yourselves fellas - we are still going to conceed silly goals throughout the season...
number14
Okay I see what your saying, but van Persie is always going to drift in and out of games, but its the games where he is in the groove more than out that he plays his best. And he is also going to be selfish sometimes because that is the kind of striker he is. Can anybody think of a better game for Arsenal he has played? One doesnt clearly come to me
gunnerkid107
Wengers post match comments,red faces anyone?
Francespurs
after 54 years of watching Arsenal, i never thought i would ever feel so let down not only did we let those nonces from seven sisters back in to the game we made them look good as well. when will Arsene sort out our bunch of under performing prima donnas and let them know that you actually have to make an effort to win matches, and not just turn up enough is enough buck up boys
cornish gooner
Cheers Tim, your article actually made me lol, which after last night was a very tall order!
hackneyval
bit harsh on fabregas he racked up an assist i didnt really think the comments about the players were actually funny (not my senese of humour)
Arsenal_1_Best
theres ratings are ridiculous! we didnt exacly play poorly ... bad goalkeeping and a few silly defensive errors and spurs wgot there self a very very lucky point .... shudnt be slagging our players off everytime they dont win a game ...
Achilles
Yes, the stats read 1 goal (a slide cum tap-in which does not require the calibre of someone like Adebayor to execute) + 1 assist (a gift) for Adebayor, but that were as far as his "contribution" went. He fluffed a glorious chance that cost us a goal, which to me was tantamount to the Clichy's slip that led to the 3rd goal we concede. Hence, are we saying that the gap between a player who did only 2 "rights" in a game is 100% higher in rating who displayed more interest and commitment throughout the game but committed one "error"? Yes, Clichy's error is not a one-off (the B'ham, Man C matches) but to put that into perspective we are looking at these errors over a span of say at least 30 league matches? I just can't accept that this is more "sinful" than someone who have displayed a blatant lack of care and commitment to the team throughout the season. Fab's pre-match (if that was truly what he said and meant) comments showed a lack of maturity and respect which he should and I'm sure he will learn from his mistakes. But these are being looked at in hindsight, if the last 5 mins had not happened, would anyone of us had even suggest that Fab was wrong, honestly? Would we not have "joined in the fun" and had a good dig at spurs?
Temasek
No matter how well we played, we drew to the crappest team in the EPL! Deserve the ratings LD put.
Thing
Arsenal_1_Best,Achilles concur, not my cup of tea either. LD what a waste of your time. Your articles are usually some of the best I've read but this was rather silly, who is it supposed to impress? Temasek your right on the nail, think you should also grow up a bit LD if this is the sum total of your comments, we drew get over it.
alwaysgunner
This is a cheek Arsenal have the finest Ladies side in the Country and one of the best in Europe
Tiny T
I didn't find it a waste of my time alwaysgunner, but if it was a waste of yours reading it, then I'm sorry if I can't pretend to give a *****. It was just a bit of fun, not meant to be taken seriously, lighten up eh? Who am I trying to impress? Nobody, and if you think I am then you really don't have enough humour in your life. It's throwaway, disposable, it was meant to be immature, it was intended to reflect Cesc's own immaturity. In fact, why the hell am I trying to justify it? If you don't like it, I suggest writing a strongly worded letter of complaint, it sounds like you probably do it a lot. Temasek, I don't agree that Adebayor has been half hearted, he's been off the boil, but not half hearted. Clichy's mistake was disrespectful to his opponents and the sort of thing he's done many times before. Adebayor didn't miss on purpose, Clichy acted like an arrogant idiot very intentionally.
Little Dutch
Besides which there's a match report that's over 1,000 words just below this that provides a serious peroration of the game. But you were probably too busy expressing your moral outrage at Russell Brand to read it.
Little Dutch
LD did you read what I said " Your articles are usually some of the best I've read " so once again this article was silly and I agree with you very immature. Do you know for a fact that Ces said those words or are you just following the tripe that the tabloids ramble on about. Sorry after the display on Saturday I have no humor but having said that I don't intend to give the scum and others some more fodder to lamblast us by. You certainly don't have to justify your article, it just demeans your ability.
alwaysgunner
lol LD thanks for cracking me up (tough ask today)! Hmm I have to stick up for Gaela, who was a contenderess of the Lady of the Match (alongside Robin) until that slip really. Of course that's an incredible mistake, but it's not a 3/10 display overall. Francesca also had a solid game, 2 is bit harsh, but she deserves all the criticisms mentioned here. Robin was the best performeress, could have scored a couple more had he been a bit luckier. I'd give her 8 or even 8.5. Probably the only player still with her reputation intact after the game. I also wonder what if she had not been taken off (but who would've thought)..
GoonerLou
AG - get a smile on mate. This was funny, and fun, and nonsense. THATS THE POINT. Nice one LD, made me chuckle.
Gunnerman
Cesc's words appeared in a magazine interview, they're there in black and white and would have been reviewed by his publicist. He didn't have to give the interview and he didn't have to say that. It appeared in a "lads mag" so he was probably trying to appeal to the intended audience with a bit of a ***** take. He should know much better than that. Why on earth is he talking to loaded magazine anyway? I don't mind seeing him in fourfourtwo or soemthing like that, but it's pure ego to do an interview like that. I remember Bendtner did one for a Danish edition of FHM and the Arsenal blogs exploded with rage. The match report was an angry one, rightly so. I decided to lighten up a bit for the match ratings gig, I'd already moaned for 1,000 words or so and I saw nothing wrong with a bit of self deprication. I am British afterall.
Little Dutch
There was shouting, swearing and pointing of fingers in the Arsenal dressing-room after their 4-4 draw with Spurs on Wednesday night, with Gael Clichy crying and Emmanuel Adebayor, Mikael Silvestre and William Gallas apparently coming under fire from boss Arsene Wenger. Gallas has already cried out of this weekend's game against Stoke. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
L_F_POOL
bently's interview was class
123spurs
HAHAHHAHAHAHHA Mad Funny!! good job
ArabianKnight
Well done lads it was great
cusop
why does it not shock me that you are rating their looks? might be the age thing..
WHL10
 

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