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Match Ratings: Arsenal Ladies v Tottenham Hotpsur

Match Ratings: Arsenal Ladies v Tottenham Hotpsur

1.Manuel ALMUNIA- The poor little flower obviously didn't fancy get his nails all chipped and dirty, so refused to actually hold the ball all match. Still, lovely bleach job, really covers the greys. 4

3.Bacary SAGNA- Went for a kicky summer braded do, which is perhaps understandable in the Bahamas in August, but not really the right cut for a winters evening in North London. Nice heels though. 6

4.Francesca FABREGAS- Cute little alice band to augment new flowing locks. Looked a little greasy there, maybe some Head and Shoulders next time ducky. In all seriousness, an apology from you Mr. Fabregas please. Quickly. 2

8.Samantha NASRI- A little bit of a shrinking violet on the night, though a rather fetching dainty little dink for the third goal was very becoming. 6

10.William GALLAS(c)- Compromised the femininity of the otherwise lubricious looking side by clearing displaying a pair of bollocks. Almost like he was spending the whole night trying to compensate for Michaela Silvestre's complete lack therof. Very unlady like. 8

11.Robin van PERSIE- Wasn't she the precious little wallflower? Complimented the clearly menstrual Adebayor on several occasions. Swish dance moves after the fourth goal, really looked the belle of the ball. 7.5

14.Tia WALCOTT- Full of graceful running and polite endeavour, looks fantastic up top but still doesn't pay enough attention to her behind. 7

15.DENILSON Pereira de Neves- Pretty in that kind of Plain Jane sort of way. Taciturnly tried to do all the chores for the prettier, slimmer girls, but was over run in truth. 6

18.Michaela SILVESTRE- Philippa Senderos looks markedly more attractive now. Fighting for the same balls as Gallas all night, any woman will tell you that balls are usually responsible when two girlfiends fall out. 5

22.Gael CLICHY- Those ill advised stiletto heels really came back to bite her. Twat. 3

25.Emmanuel ADEBAYOR- Looked a little bit menstrual, was not really joining in with the other girls. Maybe it was something to do with those horrible green boots. Looked tired and emotional towards the end. 6

SUBSTITUTES

27.Emmanuel Eboue- Didn't fancy getting her shoes dirty. Bit of a flirt, looked like she was ravenously going after some tackles, before pulling out and complaining of a headache at the last moment. 6

2.Vassiriki Abou Diaby- Showed suspicions of testticular fortitude at first, before a bitchy foul on Bentley proved this cat has claws. Meow. 6

17.Alexandra Song Billong- In chasing down Jenas for Spurs' third goal, managed to look more delicate and efemenate than Jermaine Jenas. Alexandra outpreened the preening queen, top marks girlfriend. 5

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Writer:Tim Stillman
Date:Thursday October 30 2008
Time: 1:08PM

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Comments

0
Hahaha, funny and slightly... disturbing read.
RussianHammer
30/10/2008 13:40:00
0
This put a smile on my face, Tim. Thank you. This article may have been written in jest, but it hits close to home for this team.
prits
30/10/2008 13:43:00
0
Whats the ******** point of puting in 3 DMS for 3 attackers when the 3DMS won't defend. Diaby, Eboue and Song all deserve 0.
korodon
30/10/2008 14:15:00
0
Brilliant, lol. As for Almunia, funny how any other cross or corner or shot is somewhat theatrically punched away or tipped over but when it comes to a normal shot it just bounces timidly straight out.
Gooner_Vin
30/10/2008 14:29:00
0
LOL - Nice one Tim!
Rocky7
30/10/2008 14:31:00
0
lmao!
Audere est Facere
30/10/2008 14:43:00
0
these ratings are not meant to be taken seriously, are they? They just read more like emotional outbursts rather than rational ratings. Fab and Clichy deserved a 2 and 3 for the errors committed in the game while Adebayor managed a 6 despite the f***ing lack of interest/commitment shown throughout the season?
Temasek
30/10/2008 14:48:00
0
Fabregas' error amounted to sabotage, he gave Spurs their teamtalk. Clichy's was not a one off either. Why was Cole booed in an England shirt last month? Not because of the mistake, but because of the pig headed arrogance of it. Similar deal with Clichy, who clearly has learned nowt from last season. Adebayor looked withdrawn, but came out with one goal and one assist. That's quite an investment.
Little Dutch
30/10/2008 14:54:00
0
At least it shows you lot have a sense of humour. Fabregas looks like a pre-burned Tevez.
k_chelski
30/10/2008 14:57:00
0
I'm going to show my van Persie bias here, but how on earth can you possibly call his preformance a girlish one?!? LD, he had 3 assists and a goal, and last time I checked we only scored 4. Wonderful article besides that. RVP was hungry all night, and had maybe his best game ever in an Arsenal shirt.
gunnerkid107
30/10/2008 15:15:00
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