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Farewell Gary, Gods Speed

After having almost 24 hours to digest the horrendous news of the tragic death of the Wales manager Gary Speed, I`m still non the clearer on what to write, so I`ll just wing it.

You have moments in your life when somebody tells you something, or you hear it on the radio or see it on tv and it just stops you in your tracks. It`s those times when the old saying "it hit you like a ton of bricks" is it`s most useful, when words actually make you feel a physical reaction, well yesterday was one of those days.

Upstairs, relaxing on a cozy winter Sunday afternoon, when my wife calls up to me asking if I`d heard the news about Gary Speed. Obviously when someone says those words you fear the worst. Oh no he`s been killed in a car accident or something. But no, I`m told he`d committed suicide. Wow. Bricks everywhere.

I`m sure every person reading this has had some dark times in their life, the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, financial circumstances spiralling out of control or health problems that just feel they`re too much to take.

I myself suffered from depression for many years, and there were times in my life when I felt that ending it all would be the best course of action, but those thoughts, even in my darkest hours, were as close as it came for me, my own personal feeling of self preservation was too strong to contemplate further my life`s final action.

So knowing how utterly horrible I felt, because of this simple chemical imbalance in my head, how futile and pointless life felt at the time, and I was still unable to act on some passing thoughts, yesterday my dominating thoughts were not about how we`d lost a great personality of football and a seeming genuinely nice guy, it wasn`t thoughts for Gary`s family, though those were all thoughts that entered my head, no, my main thoughts were for Gary himself.

I tried hard, and failed to comprehend what could possibly be going through Gary`s mind in his final moments, what could possibly have been so bad to make him take such and ultimate and final action, how bad he must have felt for him to be certain there was nothing else that could be done. They were thoughts that brought me deep sorrow for the Welshman.

Such a tragic thing isn`t any more tragic because he`s a football man, a professional and a nice guy, it`s tragic because a human being felt that the greatest gift of life, was no longer worth living.

It just goes to show that money, fame, professional respect amongst your peers means absolutely nothing without a happy and stable mental state. Money can buy you many things, a happy life is not one of those things.

We do have to learn from the tragic loss of Gary Speed, we have to learn to keep a better eye on our mental states and the those of our nearest and dearest, we have to live life with passion and strive to be the best we can be, we have to hug our kids and let them know how proud we are of them, ring our parents for no reason other than to tell them we love them and how greatful we are they brought us into this world and gave us unconditional love. Be thankful for the ones we love and treasure every moment, because we never know when these moments will cease to be.

Thank you Gary for giving us such special moments in football, but most of all thank you for reminding me of how fragile life can be.

Take care Gary, god`s Speed.




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The Journalist

Writer: Rocky7 Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday November 28 2011

Time: 8:06AM

Your Comments

I hope we never find out why he really did it. Not our business to know. There's one salient fact, a young man died and he really didn't have to. That's knowledge enough. I wrote a piece on here about 5 years ago saying Gary was my favourite player to have never represented Arsenal. It's not often you hear glowing tributes to the deceased and don't believe a single word to have been embellished. RIP Gary.
Little Dutch
It's not the facts surrounding Gary's death I saught really LD, more the psychology behind it. It's human nature to seek understanding, and I just can't feel anything than utter sorrow for Gary and what he must have felt himself. There are times when footballers or personalities dies, and we feel sadness through a great respect for that person, and then in rare cases such as this (and as with Bobby Robson) there's a sadness that is raw, and real. I just watched an interview with Bryn Law on Sky Sports News, a friend of Gary's. It was pretty heart wrenching to watch a man do his job on reporting a death of a friend. Poor chap didn't quite hold it togther.
Rocky7
Aye know, I understood that. It was more of a general comment. At what is an incredibly sad time, I just have no faith that the media isn't going to go digging and play this out in their column inches and that people aren't going to lap it up as morbid entertainment. I just hope today there are obituaries and tributes, like this one, and that then it's left alone and his family are left in peace. But I don't think they will be and I find that incredibly sad too.
Little Dutch
It's been a long time, since I have been shocked at news connected with the sport. I'm neither Welsh nor a supporter of any of the clubs Gary Speed played for, but I have to say I spent yesterday in a daze. A great professional, by all accounts a lovely human being, Wales doing well and a bright management career still ahead of him. It seems incomprehensible to me after having watched him on Football Focus on Saturday but then again that exactly is what the human mind is: incomprehensible and complex. We'll probably never know why poor Gary felt driven to do this to himself and that is up to his poor family. This news is heartbreaking on so many levels. I still feel numb about it today. RIP "Speedo" and sincere condolences to his loved ones and closest friends and colleagues.
julieloveshenry4ever
...agree with the sentiments about the Media. Today the papers will be full of this tragedy, more tributes will poor in and Gary's passing will be marked at all the domestic games this week. Rightly so. But after that I hope the media withdraw and let the Speed family have their peace to come to terms- if it possible at all-with this shattering event. (And withdraw those cameras from the gates to the drive way please.)
julieloveshenry4ever
RIP Gary Speed. very well written Rocky7. May he finaly be at peace.
01tottenham
I think the red tops definately will not be as they should, however this morning on Sky Sports News, Kirsty Gallagher asked Bryn Law if there was any more news on the details of his death and he said that that didn't matter, if and when the family wanted details to be known then that would be the time, until then the family should be left to greive, and I thought that was a nice touch.
Rocky7
Indeed 01Tottenham. I did intend to add that I hoped he'd found the peace he was looking for, but I forgot to write a great many things i wanted to.
Rocky7
I have a desire to know more. The suicide is so incongruous that I want it confirmed that it definitely was Gary Speed taking his own life and nothing more sinister. But I agree that once it is confirmed the media should wind their necks in. They won’t though.
Sir Henry
A very sad time. I hope that this utterly unexpected event has some lasting impact on peoples (especially in sport) views on mental health issues. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 3 years ago and had been suffering without diagnosis for 12 years.
No 10
It's things like this that shock us into reality - that we go around thinking we know or understand a person just because we see and hear him often in public. Not even people in his intimate circle can understand this. And then there are the idiots who don't get what being clinically depressed means - it's not just "feeling the blues." Assuming that's what Gary had of course-I have no idea if that was the case. There's so much that we humans hide from each other.
jaelle
You're right jaelle. I think it's because society as a whole tends to look at these things as a weakness instead of what they really are. An illness. I suffer from dyslexia and hid my problems from everyone I loved through the medium of f***ing about at school simply because i didn't want anyone to know I was dumb. Of course I now know what a mistake that was, but it's fortunately one that can be rectified .... sometimes people don't get another chance :(
Rocky7
I too have suffered the same Rocky7 in the past and the same thoughts entered my head when i heard the news. Shocking news, im still heartbroken at the thought someone so young and seemingly happy could do such a thing. RIP Gary
HuddersfieldYiddo
 

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