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Bellend of the Season 2011-12

Having already asked you to cast your votes for the piffling matter of Player of the Season below, it`s time for the most prestigious and talked about gong of the close season. The coveted Bellend of the Year trophy. In its fourth year on Vital Arsenal, the past hall of famers set an impressive benchmark of bellendery. Inaugural winner Phil Brown has happily disappeared permanently to his sun bed having suffered the ignominy of two sackings since he was crowned. Alas, no such luck with the king cock of 2010 Tony Pulis and 2011`s prize prick Sepp Blatter.

2011-12 has seen an absolute feast of folly. We`ve had Roger Johnson- a centre half who has now experienced successive relegations with different sides- turning up "tired and emotional" at training. Then we have Alex McLeish gifting the players and supporters at Villa Park some of the most eye bleedingly soulless football the country has ever known. But their incompetence is small fry compared with some of the exploits at Liverpool F.C. this season. As if paying 20m for Stewart Downing isn`t criminal enough, we have the fallout from the ugly Suarez fallout. The independent investigation document showed that Liverpool had not exactly been forthcoming with the media over the Uruguayan`s precise mutterings, but the unedifying sight of the players and the manager- a man in his 60s- wearing a tee shirt featuring the profile of his own employee was as sartorially ill advised as it was a PR shambles.

After Suarez was subsequently found guilty, the refusal to shake Evra`s hand and Dalglish`s series of pithy, unnecessarily spiky interviews have dragged the club`s name through the dirt. Fenway have quietly acted, forcing their manager and their rather objectionable striker to apologise, whilst Liverpool`s Director of Communications has received his P45 along with the Director of Football who thought Jordan Henderson was worth folding money.

More amusing acts of absurdity have been in plentiful supply too. St. Totteringham`s Day caused us Gooners to delve into the archives and have a right good root around for some premature posturing from the cocky cocks. Rafa van der Vaart confidently predicted that Arsenal had "no chance" of finishing above his Tottenham side back in October. Journalist Henry Winter put together his own fantasy "North London XI" and decided that van Persie was the only geezer wearing red. But perhaps this piece from The Mirror`s Darren Lewis penned back in February is my favourite. . Can I get an "LOL, Bitch please!" in the place?

Boss eyed wide boy John Terry doesn`t have to do much more than appear in front of a camera with that "what me guv?" look smeared all across his chops to guarantee himself a mention for Bellend of the Season. But true to form, Terry has happily plotted the demise of a young manager for not tickling his belly often enough, almost cost his side a place in the Champions League final due to his own brand of sociopathic selfishness and currently awaits trial for racially abusing a fellow professional. All in a year`s work for one of football`s most detestable and shameless individuals. Still, his delightful assist and grass eating celebration as van Persie skipped away from him at the Bodge in October was heart warming in the extreme. Maybe if Chelsea stopped singing about mowing the meadow and actually did it, their captain wouldn`t feel the need to get down on his knees and tend the grass with his teeth?

However, the ultimate accolade for Bellend of the Season is a shared one. A quartet of colluders that have conspired to rip the heart, soul and remaining vestiges of quality from a previously pleasant, family run club with all the grace and poise of a poultry farmer plucking the feathers from its pheasants. Whilst it`s true that Blackburn Rovers have recently had bona fide bellends such as Mark Hughes, Fat Sam and Robbie Savage in their employ in recent years, the Lancashire club was a steady, respectable Premiership club run with dignity by John Williams. Williams was a man that appreciated Jack Walker`s legacy and Rovers were a club that generally did things the right way and with a measure of pleasantness and stability. Since the Venky`s took over, soothsaying into the ears of Rovers fans with promises of Kaka, Ronaldinho and Champions League football on a 5m budget, the soul has been ripped from the club, resulting in its inevitable relegation and continued asset stripping.

Complicit in this act of corporate ABH has been Steve Kean. His never ending delusion (he was still talking about a top ten finish in March) and refusal to admit that his poor management was taking Rovers down had its part to play in Rovers` demise. There are those that scoff about the Blackburn support and their ongoing protests during matches, but they were left with no recourse. The Venky`s constantly refused meeting requests with supporters groups, didn`t answer correspondence over fans concerns and were rarely even in the country to oversee the club`s fall from grace. About the only thing they did do was watch games on the goggle box in India. Blackburn fans were left with no other avenue to make their voices heard as their football club was abused.

Blackburn ended last season with a defence boasting the likes of Salgado, Nelsen, Samba and Phil Jones. Emerton and Jason Roberts were also key squad members. Salgado was frozen out over a contract clause; the others were replaced by the likes of Bradley Orr, David Goodwillie, Anthony Modeste and Martin Olsson`s brother. Kean and the Venky`s are of course linked by agent Jerome Anderson. Many allege that this cosy relationship ensured Kean stayed a yes man to the Venky`s whilst the poultry giants indulged Kean`s shortcomings as a coach and his delusions. (A video has surfaced this week in which he claims to be the mastermind behind the development of Phil Jones, whilst also promising a top ten finish and a Carling Cup). Conveniently, Kean and the Venky`s gave a contract to Myles Anderson- son of Jerome- last summer, with Kean describing him as "possibly another Chris Smalling" due to his late development.

This because Leyton Orient didn`t deem him good enough for a single game in his spell there, whilst Aberdeen let him go after a single appearance. It seems Anderson`s development is still in bloom as he wasn`t selected for a single matchday squad in 2011-12. Kean has been a mere stooge to the whims of some mendacious owners. In January, 2011 in an interview with the Independent, he spoke in soothing tones about "marquee signings."

"I think it is only a matter of time before there is a major landmark signing," he said. "Because they are paying the wages, the owners will give me a list of players that we could get but no player will come to this club unless they have something to offer.

"If Ronaldinho had decided he wanted to come, I would certainly have had to meet him and find out his thoughts about work, how often he wanted to train and make sure it was every day and with the rest of the squad. If there is going to be a marquee signing, it can`t be someone who`s just coming to graze."

Unless Anthony Modeste is a marquee signing, then this quote represents a double bind. Either the Venky`s were lying to Kean, at which point he really ought to have walked away on principle. Or else he was complicit in this fabrication and, even worse, was willing to be the front man for him. At best, Kean is a puppet for a trio of cowboys (Indian cowboys, who`d have thunk it?), at worst, he`s sporting spurs and a wide brimmed hat himself in making up the four horsemen of Blackburn`s apocalypse. The truly terrifying thing about the Venky`s is that it could happen to any club. Given the absence of any proper "fit and proper person`s test" pretty much anybody can buy a football club. Not all investors are necessarily benevolent, but Blackburn fans got the rough end of the pineapple when they ended up with the ventriloquist Venky`s and their puppet Kean. A 137 year old football club, founding member of the Football League and top flight champion as little as 17 years ago has been brought to its knees in little under 18 months. That`s quite the hatchet job, from comfortable family run football club to farce. Rovers fans are nervously eyeing up the likes of Portsmouth and Plymouth and wondering what`s in store for the future. For that reason, the Venky`s and Steve Kean are well earned proprietors of the Bellend of the Season award. Perhaps they can use that gong to attract Eden Hazard to help with their promotion campaign next year? LD.

Follow me on twitter @LittleDutchVA

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The Journalist

Writer: Tim Stillman Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday May 21 2012

Time: 5:46PM

Your Comments

An embarrassment for all hardworking honest Indians. ******** moron.
Steve Kean is genuinely the only person in the entire world I can say with absolute certainty is more delusional than Spurs fans. He is, in the words of my dear departed nan, f***ng mental.
Its not Keans fault. Its the bloody owners. As for bellends of the season. John Terry was right up there with his antics throughout the season.. But then he has to be nominated for Bellend of the decade!
Like I said, Kean is either complicit, incredibly spineless or else certifiably mental.
Little Dutch
It is an absolute shame what the owners have done to that club; to think it all came with plenty of promise. Kean must have been innocent of complicity initially but, in carrying on with the farce upon seeing as things were not falling in place, he has shown himself to be a stooge and willing tool in all of this. No skin off my nose, though.
The Suarez/Dalglish saga was a worthy mention as well.
Joey Barton is worth an honourable mention (although like John Terry, he belongs in a bellend hall of fame). The FA must take some responsibility for seemingly having no standards in place for owners, but even then they couldn't know how useless Venky's would be. Still, I think Venky's should have done more research - had they done so they would have bought the Spuds, what with the chicken connection. "Venky's Hotspurs" just makes sense.
Lol, Elbondo. At least, we know we won't be having any spuds coming on here to challenge you on that. All too busy making Europa night type travel plans.
As an aside have the FA even disciplined Joey Barton yet pr has he got off scottfree? With actions like that he should have been up infront of the FA first thing Monday morning.
No further mention of Barton but he's probably still in that period where he can contest the charges. Also think Tevez should have been charged because he also raised his hand (not that I too much since it was Barton that he was raising them too!) but you can't simply brush it under the carpet.
Who gives a t*** about Blackburn? They were the original Chav team buying their way to the title with boring, insipid football and then hiring c***s like Allardyce and Hughes. Some of the atrocities their players have committed against ours down the years serves them bloody right (Todd's elbow on RVP for starters). It doesn't mean LD is wrong, just the bell-endery of their fans, players and managers down the years makes this an absolute joy to behold as their club crumbles before us. Does no one remember they were as bad to us as Birmingham, Stoke and (Allardyce inspired) Bolton? Me? I'm loving watching them fall apart.
Scotch Eggs Rule
Rovers fan here - Thanks for a great article and sums up the situation at our Club well. There is something very wrong at Ewood and the more support we can get from other club's supporters to publicise the fact the better
SER, there was a time I didn't have an awful lot of time for some of Blackburn's playing staff. But that's a really transient concern (especially given that the likes of Savage, Tugay, Todd and Hughes are long, long gone). But I really don't think that warrants the dissolution of the club. Especially as, every time I've visited Ewood, Blackburn fans have always been a pleasant lot. There may even be a case for not missing them in terms of relegation based on old grudges (personally, I think there are teams far more worthy nowadays, but there you go), but their club has basically been raped and the scary thing is that it could happen to anyone. It seems unlikely, but hell, if Stan wanted to, he could start doing the same tomorrow and there wouldn't be much stopping him.
Little Dutch
Anyone in control of a football club could do that, it's a scary thought i'll grant you that. As you can gather I have absolutely no love lost for Blackburn and the way their fans, manager and players said we were moaners after Todds unprovoked forearm smash on RVP and called it "just part of the game!" as well as the general c***ishness of aforementioned managers Hughes and Allardyce. Believe me, in the same situation, no one would give a toss about us......
Scotch Eggs Rule
LD a questions: Who instead of Blackburn deserves relegation? Stoke being the first and most deserving of candidates, anyone else?
Scotch Eggs Rule
Mike Riley would have been worth a shout. He's overseen the worst season of refereeing ive ever seen, I know they are generally s*"t but this season took the biscuit.
Interesting perspective on the current situation at the head of the club:
Wyn Mills
Stoke, Chelsea and Spurs SER :) I'm not terribly sad to see Bolton go because I haven't got a lot of love for Gartside. QPR too, Barton, Hughes, 55 for a seat in the away end which is so awful that even 1970s patrons would describe it as a relic. I don't much care for Jez Moxley or Wolves fans either so I won't miss them. All preferable for the drop instead of Blackburn. But whilst I'm not gonna lie and say I have a particular soft spot for Rovers, the way in which they've been relegated is a tad heartbreaking. Had they just gone down in the manner Bolton did, I probably would have just thought, "Well, that cuts down a bit of travelling next year!"
Little Dutch
I suppose your opinion of clubs is created through your interaction with the away fans as you go to all the away matches. I only get to all the home games (and when we're away I'll go and support the mighty *cough* Orient!) so I don't have that respect or lack of that meeting other teams fans can generate. My opinions are based solely on what I see from the media (HA!) and stories and interviews with the players and management. So there's definitely no sentimentality involved in wishing Rover's all the best on their way down, just the scum that used to represent them. I understand fully both sides of the point we are both making. Just cannot empathise with it due to not knowing the fans of their club in the way you do. The Chavs I can understand as that is where they belong, but wouldn't you miss the derby games against the scum, even though their ground is an absolute cesspit and the fans abhorrent. I mean think how amazing it was to be at the game we battered them 5-2 and to think we wouldn't have anymore games like that because they were relegated.
Scotch Eggs Rule
I suppose your opinion of clubs is created through your interaction with the away fans as you go to all the away matches. I only get to all the home games (and when we're away I'll go and support the mighty *cough* Orient!) so I don't have that respect or lack of that meeting other teams fans can generate. My opinions are based solely on what I see from the media (HA!) and stories and interviews with the players and management. So there's definitely no sentimentality involved in wishing Rover's all the best on their way down, just the scum that used to represent them. I understand fully both sides of the point we are both making. Just cannot empathise with it due to not knowing the fans of their club in the way you do. The Chavs I can understand as that is where they belong, but wouldn't you miss the derby games against the scum, even though their ground is an absolute cesspit and the fans abhorrent. I mean think how amazing it was to be at the game we battered them 5-2 and to think we wouldn't have anymore games like that because they were relegated.
Scotch Eggs Rule
Crap! It posted twice.....sorry folks.
Scotch Eggs Rule
I'd miss the home derby games, the away ones, no thanks! I only keep going to SHL out of obligation. Most of my mates gave up going there years ago. It's the only game of the year I literally do not enjoy in the slightest. Even if you win, it increases the chances you get a kicking on your way home. If you lose, you're less likely to get a fist in the face, but you have to deal with the horror of losing an NLD whilst surrounded by the that lot gloating. All in all, games at SHL I leave my house in the morning and just hope it's all over really quickly.
Little Dutch
I've been once (albeit 8 years ago) and watching the animals in the home end throwing bags of p**s and s**t was just one of the charming things they did. Talk about Monkies in a zoo.......
Scotch Eggs Rule
Sorry, i still can't see past John Terry. He should have a quartet of awards lets be honest. On a personal level Martin Fulop deeply offended me last week and probably needs investigating!!! AND with the absolute devastation of what somehow took place in Munich on Saturday i don't think i will ever get over it.
All in all an thoroughly unsatisfactory end to the week for you HY? *Understatement of the year*
Scotch Eggs Rule
Initially I had a lot of respect for Kean for the way he seemed to dignified in handling the abuse he was getting. But toward the end of the season I saw that my impressions of him were were too generous and that BRFC fans were quite right to oppose him as club manager.
Would also like to point out that it should be understood that Tony Pulis is a perpetual "bellend of the season" every season--it's a permanent honorific title he wears quite well. :-D
"Sorry, i still can't see past John Terry" - gotta say, HY has the best shout there, I think. Kenny Dalglish deserves a top spot too.
jaelle, is Pullis award for life time "achievements"?
Scotch Eggs Rule
SER - yes, that's a good way of putting it. :-)
I can see it now: "....and this years award for the man whose squeezed so much douchebaggery into one career *drumroll* Tony Pullis!" Nice.
Scotch Eggs Rule
This has been a vintage year for bellendery. Verging on halcyon, historians may well look back and declare it a golden age for the firemans helmet.
I have to say, whilst Kean is a delusional moron, I felt bad for the guy. The way the Rovers fans treated him was brutal. Venky's just left him to take all the flack on their behalf. Gutless jackasses. Therefore in my estimation Venky's are true bellends. Kean was just a misguided muppet and yes a complete puppet. But without doubt Pullis and John Terry inhabit the prestigious 'Bellend Hall of Fame' Perpetual and eternal bellends those two. Terry demonstrated the extent of his 'bellendery' on Saturday night.
Ned Stark
Yeah I would also put Barton in that hall of fame too. What a f'n scumbum that tool is.
Ned Stark
yeah kean was never contender for this, save that for the rabbit in the headlights contest with Terry Connor.
I think Kean is more wily than people think. He's been quite happy for his agent to exploit a business relationship with the Venky's which has given him a cushty little deal. He must know too that he's nowhere near good enough and must have known it for a long time. He also must have known the Venky's were planning to sell Blackburn's only passable footballers and pocket the cash. He might not have started the fire, but he's been happy to ***** petrol on the flames.
Little Dutch
Well, well, well. An article on Venky's & you lot can't help yourselves. Using it as an excuse to stick a purile boot in says more about you than us.

Ah behave yourself mate, you're better than that!? Some here have sympathy for Blackburn, people like me don't. Isn't that what football is all about? Opinions. I would say the majority of these comments have been pretty measured and well thought out, regardless of the negatives or positives of them. Anyway, if any teams set of fans has a record for sticking the boot in this season surely it's your fellow spuddies, although if you've noticed, we waited until the end of the season to "stick the boot it" ;o)
Scotch Eggs Rule
I wasn't referring to the comments on Blackburn Scotchy mate. The chicken farmers reaped what they sowed & I have no sympathy for them. I do however have a lot of respect for the way Kean took all the $h1te thrown at him. That took a lot of guts. Crap manager, but brave.

I think that the sets of fans sticking the boot in has been evenly spread & no 1 set of fans has been worse than any other. We both have dicks that like to visit each other's site to extract the man juice in an attempt to wind each other up & we also have the dicks that rise to it. That's the nature of this great site that is Vital Football. Long may it continue.

Harumph, harumph, here, here and all that! :o)
Scotch Eggs Rule
I love football banter, aslong as it doesn't border on the spiteful and imho too many fans, generally the yonger more ignorant ones, sink to that level.
Scotch Eggs Rule
I concur with the sentiments of the honourable member for Ashburton.

Spuds, talking of douchebag posters, do you still frequent the DM website and is it as bad as it always was? Been avoiding that place like the plague recently, not good for my blood pressure fella.
Scotch Eggs Rule
Mate, its still the same, although Paul Smith of Leeds has been AWOL for some time & Godders of Reading is keeping his head down. I must admit, I don't post as frequently as I used to because of all the red arrows for posting sensible comments!

Talking common sense and the masses agreeing are often mutually exclusive mate. People just arrow before they've even read the damn post, just because of who is posting it LOL More often than not me and my big mouth getting in the way!
Scotch Eggs Rule
Yeah, opposing fans red arrow you just because you're the "enemy"! Thank feck for proper fan sites like these on Vital. At least you can have some interchange without some 3rd party deciding whether you can post or not. Even if a DM article isn't moderated, its a bit of a lottery whether your post will actually get put up. The thing that irritates me the most is that it can literally take hours for a post to appear. How can you respond to that? Ridiculous.

Agreed, these places are a god send, just a shame they let Chav fans on here.....!
Scotch Eggs Rule
Mate, the Chav site is one of the worst for deleting posts they find offensive & it doesn't take much to offend them! Some of the stuff they post on other vital sites would be deleted from theirs. Bunch of hypocrites.

I posted the other day in response to someone saying what a great person (pass the sick bag) that John Terry was. I said, is cheating on your wife and kids the hallmark of a good person? (that was my exact post) and they deleted it. What a pathetic bunch of thin skinned little tossers the admin there are. ***ts.
Scotch Eggs Rule
When I pointed out how pathetic they were being, they had the bloody cheek to say the Arsenal admins were even worse than them! They then proceeded to delete my follow up posting stating that they are a bunch of hypocritical ***ts. lol Wonder why?
Scotch Eggs Rule
Christ Scotchy, I've put up worse on this site & Rocky, fair play to him, left it up. And that was before I'd shown what a sensible Spud I can be! Typical Chavs, no respect for others yet bleat that others show them disrespect. Fecking morons! They're not worth losing the heartbeats for mate.

For me it has to be the Arsenal faithful who called for the sacking of Wenger. It pains me to say it, but when he does finally retire or leave you will cry like a kid who has lost his mum in the car park. I am literally gagging as I type but it won't be long until the stadium phase of his vision (ffs, a football manager with a vision, what more do you want?) is complete and focus of resources shifts to the squad. So for the choruses of "you don't know what you're doing" you bums take the bellend straight to the face. COYS
Arsson Finga
Or the brigade who want Redknapp out, considering your best ever league finishes inthe PL have come under his stewardship?
Scotch Eggs Rule
Cracking article, particularly liked the reminder of the ill-advised premature gloating from spurs. TTBAWA

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