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Wenger Wanted For Attempted Murder ...

Wenger Wanted For Attempted Murder ...

Arsene Wenger is wanted for attempted murder after an elaborate 9 year assassination plot was uncovered on Saturday evening.

The Arsenal manager undertook a flamboyant attempt at ending the life of Vital Arsenal editor, Rocky7.

The plot came to light following the FA Cup final on May 17th 2014 when it became obvious that the Frenchman had spent the last 9 years trying to sneakily kill the rotund Yorkshire via the means of lethal heart attack.

After 8 seasons without a trophy, Wenger contrived to ensure the Gunners fell 2 goals behind to the un-fancied Hull City within 7 minutes of the start of the FA Cup final only to spurn chance after chance and hitting the woodwork before finally winning the cup in the most dramatic of circumstances in an attempt to induce cardiac arrest in the internet muppet to end his sad little life.

Wenger`s plot was foiled however following a slight oversight. Rocky7`s was able to endure the ordeal as his heart had already been stolen by Arsenal back in 1987.

Arsene Wenger is still at large and was last spotted on the streets of London sporting a soggy shirt and a smile.

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Date:Saturday May 17 2014
Time: 9:18PM


LOL! Lovely, drunken article there Rocky. My heart rate was going so fast and my blood pressure was going up and up, I was an ER candidate for sure too. Arsenal made sure we suffered alright. Now I'm high as a kite!
17/05/2014 21:33:00
...and I necked 3 glasses of wine in the final ten minutes of that game without even realizing it!
17/05/2014 21:34:00
Julie!! You've been a member of Vital Arsenal for as long as I remember .... I've been editor here for a long long time .... this is the first trophy we've won since I started here. It feels f*****ng awesome!!!
17/05/2014 21:38:00
LOL if only some of you lot can be a little more graceful in victory maybe, just maybe the next long wait wouldn't be as long as all of 9 years? Just saying. Good on yer R7 LOL
HGH Magic
17/05/2014 21:46:00
In what way have we been ungraceful in victory? You want ungraceful, look at your manager! £110M spent to take Chelsea from 3rd to a lofty 3rd! Enjoy your summer :)
17/05/2014 21:49:00
Ungraceful? Has any Gooner anywhere here disrespected or crowed at Hull City fans? No we have not! Make no mistake, they turned up today and made a real match of it. 2-0 up. They were gutted at the final whistle and rightly so. If we are high, HGH it is among ourselves because we are so sick of the crap we have had to endure about being trophyless. Well Arsene Wenger has just delivered his EIGHTH trophy to our club, overseen transition during the building of a brand new 60,000 seat stadium AND kept us in CL football year after year. That's called legacy. Your manager only thinks of himself. He doesn't give two hoots about your club and one of these days, you will come to see it.
17/05/2014 22:24:00
Not so much attempted murder by Wenger as attempted suicide. He would have found it difficult to survive a defeat. It's been the pattern our season from the opening game to make it hard for ourselves and then just when you think we can't do it somehow we do. It's been a good season.
17/05/2014 22:40:00
I think teams might actually might start fearing us again now. With a trophy win, and the ability to fight back, they know we're capable. I just wish they'd stop trying to give me a heart attack. We can compete without having to make a drama out of everything. Still, I guess it adds to the emotion and the legend of the day!
17/05/2014 22:46:00
Rockys red and white willy for prime minister!!
Chippy Brady
17/05/2014 23:05:00
Two nil down,
Three two up,
That's how Arsenal won the cup,
With a nick-knack-paddy-whack,
Give a dog a bone,
Aaron Ramsey poked one home!
17/05/2014 23:07:00
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