Winger's World

Guten Abend, mein freunds. I return again with a few snippets from outside the hallowed halls of goonerdom, which happened to catch my eye...

Terry's All Gold?

Chelski's 'Mister Chelski', John Terry, the self-styled 'man with the woman's eyes', and the bloke who 'if he was that way inclined' would go for Frank Lampard (owner of the world's longest belt), is reported to be ready to hand in a transfer request at the bridge, unless he is offered a new deal making him the highest-paid player at the club. Terry's dog-smuggling portugeezer manager was unavailable for comment at time of writing, as your esteemed correspondent was unable to get past the front desk at the police station...

Bennies From Heaven

Wet Sham's Israeli playmaker Yossi Benayoun, more famous for writing and performing the lead role in the popular 80's children's drama 'Yossi's Giants', in which he played a slightly built young lad in a football team chock full of big lumps, is, according to Fleet Street, likely to seek a transfer away from the east end club over the way he has been treated by his manager.

This follows hot on the heels of yesterday's news that Benni McCarthy is hoping that Chelski come calling in the summer, having previously worked under chav's manager, Maureen O (auntie of the Yeah!Yeah!Yeah!'s singer, Karen O...) at Porto. Nothing like pimping yourself around first chance you get...

Bryan Blessed?

After yesterday telling the tale of how The Sheffield Steers Blades FC had proposed a plan for a 21-team Premier League to retain their top-flight status, it would appear that while losing their marbles, but are gaining a marvel. 'Captain Marvel', to be precise - with Bryan 'Bryan' Robson, poised to take over from Neil Warnock in the hotseat, after holding a 3-way meeting about the position with Utd chairman Kevin McCabe and current coach Brian Kidd.

Assuming the Blades fail with their attempt to retain their place in the prem, they'll have secured the ideal man for the job of leading a Championship team, he's rather adept at taking teams down there, so he must enjoy that league.

An Ash in the Pan?

The Daily Mail says that beloved ex-Arsenal player Cashley Tweedy, who is still held in such high esteem by Gooners everywhere, is set to be axed from the cup final tomorrow, as he has failed to convince Maureen O of his fitness in readiness for the big event.

The New Wembley holds 90,000 fans, and has almost 2,000 toilets, which is handy, given the amount of crap that's going to be on display there tomorrow...

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'tis enough for now, methinks - so I shall love you and leave you. I shall endeavour to write something of more 'seriocity' over the weekend... until then, ttfn...

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