Vital Football

Latest Arsenal FC News

Wingers' World

Wingers' World

Salut, mon petit pois.

I trust that this morning finds you in fine fettle. The sun is in the sky, alas i am not out and about in it, being stuck in a dark studio.

Champions League final tomorrow night - make the most of it, we're almost out of footy for the summer... these things aside, on viz ze show...

Paolo's a Nut, In' He?

Veteran AC Milan defender, Paolo Maldini, looks set to lead out Rossoneri for the Champions League Final on wednesday.

The 89 year old has successfully undergone reanimation, and doctors say he has been bolstered by the grafting of several new limbs onto his frail, ancient frame, which were 'found', and after several abortive attempts, the surgeons managed to secure the bolt of lightning required and Maldini burst into life at the top of the tower in the lonely, desolate castle that was surrounded by nothing but dark foreboding forest and the baying of wolves.

Head Surgeon, Nicola Urbodyparts, commented after the procedure, 'it worked.. IT WORKED!!! MOOHAHAHAHAHA-HA-HA-ha-ha-ha - haaaaaaa-a-a-a...' before lurching back off to be enveloped in eerie darkness...

Liverpool 'sound, la'

Kop's Israeli manager, Rafa Ben-I-Tez is set to re-vamp the squad during the summer. Set for change are Craig Bellamy and Peter Crouch, with Bellers being given a nice little all-in-one black rubber dress and hair extensions, and Crouch will be sporting next season's must-have, 2 different coloured contact lenses, black lipstick, and 8 inch stilletoes, to make him look more like his hero, Marilyn Manson.

Joint-owner George GillettTheBestAManCanGet said, '4 blades, it's our closest shave yet.

Good luck to Livepool in the Champions League Final tomorrow night - do us all proud and bring the trophy back with you, fellas...

Erik Idle, but not for long

Former England Manager, Sven-Goran Eriksson, has hinted he is close to a return to work.

When questioned as to his likely destination, Sexy Svennis, the ladies' man, said, 'I can't tell you that,' he said. 'Hopefully you will know it soon because if I'm going to take a job for next season it will happen in two or three weeks' time. Otherwise it is too late.'

This is good news for everyone, as it will surely mean a reduction in FA prosecutions for ridiculously minor offences, and speculative charges brought about to help pay off the remainder of Sven's contract. If only Sven had revealed this before the Carling Cup Final, maybe Arsenal wouldn't have been brought to book for Emanuel Adebayor partaking of a rather overzealous game of scissors-paper-stone, during a public barn dance as the final whistle approached.

Wet Sham can be proud that once again, like in '66, they have done their country proud, helping to pay off a large portion of Eriksson's outstanding contract with their £5.5m fine over the Tevez affair...

King Salomon's Whine

The FA Premier League's Dubious Goals Panel, has passed judgement, and left a Mr S. Kalou of SW6 with one less goal, after deciding that a goal scored against Bolt-On was in fact an own goal by the Trotters' keeper. Unfortunately, it didn't see fit to do likewise with Fat Frank's 15 deflected efforts in the same season.

Now if only the FA set up a 'Dubious Title Wins Panel'... after all, it need only research the past 3 seasons...



nd that, for now, as they say, is that. Now get back to work you slackers.







Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Wingston
Date:Tuesday May 22 2007
Time: 11:07AM

Login to post a comment

Recent Arsenal Articles

Stats: Arsenal v Burnley

All the stats from Arsenal (2) vs (1) Burnley, Emirates Stadium, 22/1/17 Att: 59955

Arsenal v Burnley - Team Sheets

Arsenal are at the Emirates Stadium with Burnley the visitors for the latest Premier League game.

Officials - Arsenal v Burnley (22/1/17)

The Premier League have now announced the Match Day officials that will take charge of the game between Arsenal and Burnley this Sunday.

More Reliable Than An Octopus 2016/17? (20/1/17)

A new season, a new special computer crunching the numbers to determine the final Premier League positions for 2016/17.

Archived Vital Arsenal Articles

Vital Arsenal articles from

Site Journalists

Rocky7
Editor email
Profile
ClockEnd124
no email
Profile
Amos
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Burnley MotM
Suggested By:
Cech20%
Gabriel0%
Mustafi0%
Koscielny20%
Monreal0%
Ramsey0%
Xhaka0%
Iwobi20%
Ozil20%
Sanchez20%
Giroud0%
Sub - Coquelin0%
Sub - Welbeck0%
Sub - Bellerin0%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Chelsea 22 18 1 3 55 32
2 Arsenal 22 14 5 3 47 27
3 Spurs 22 13 7 2 46 29
4 Liverpool 22 13 6 3 45 24
5 Man City 22 13 4 5 43 15
6 Man Utd 22 11 8 3 41 12
7 Everton 22 10 6 6 36 10
8 WBA 22 9 5 8 32 2
9 Stoke 22 7 7 8 28 -6
10 West Ham 22 8 4 10 28 -7
11 Southampton 22 7 6 9 27 -4
12 AFC Bournemouth 22 7 5 10 26 -7
13 Burnley 22 8 2 12 26 -9
14 Watford 22 6 6 10 24 -13
15 Leicester City 22 5 6 11 21 -13
16 Middlesbrough 22 4 8 10 20 -7
17 Swansea 22 5 3 14 18 -25
18 Crystal Palace 22 4 4 14 16 -11
19 Hull City 22 4 4 14 16 -27
20 Sunderland 22 4 3 15 15 -22
The Vital Football Members League
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News
Vital Football Comment

Recent Arsenal Results (view all)

Arsenal Fixtures (view all)

Jan 31 2017 7:45PM : Watford (H)
Barclays Premier League
Feb 4 2017 12:30PM : Chelsea (a)
Barclays Premier League
Feb 11 2017 12:30PM : Hull City (H)
Barclays Premier League
Feb 25 2017 3:00PM : Southampton (a)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 4 2017 3:00PM : Liverpool (a)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 11 2017 3:00PM : Leicester City (H)
Barclays Premier League

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.Sultan Ibrahim1
2.Adeshina Micheal1
Write for Vital Football