Wingers' World 5

Ahoy, mi hearties.

A slightly briefer posting today, as i find myself both mentalistically busy, and looking to get out early to catch all the build up to the Champions League Final.

But could i possibly forget you? NEVER! So even though my world just got a bit smaller, you all loom as large in my thoughts.



Egg talks about sell-by date

Wet Sham chairman Eggert Magnusson has spoken of his desire to retain the services of Carlos Tevez, and how he is contracted to the Shammers for a further 3 years.

speaking from his hovering disc, Magnusson, the first Mekon to run a premier league club, spoke thus to his subjects, 'The starting point is that he is a West Ham player, registered with and contracted to the club with three years remaining on a four-year contract.', before trying to flog everyone a packet of biscuits.



Do you know the way to play Jose?

His Highness, Sir Wenger of Islington has held talks with Athletico Madrid in a bid to ditch the flop that is help Jose Antonio Reyes move to what will surely be his new dream club.

Reyes, who endured an unhappy spell in North London due to the fact he was not able to ride his horsey and didnt like it when mummy kissed his shins better after being kicked during games, due to the cold weather chapping her lips and making her kisses scratch his iddy biddy legs (ouch! it hurts), has spent the season on loan at Real Madrid. £10m and he's yours Atletico. just don't offer us any misfiring brazilians in exchange please...



Ashley loves Geordies

No, not everyone's favourite 4 times fa cup winning (the same as Ryan Giggs, wow! shame you don't have his loyalty), best-looking-bloke-at-chelsea-according-to-himself, mercenary left back.

We're talking Mike muthafunkin' Ashley, beeyatches, who has followed the lead of his narcissistic namesake, and expressed a desire to pump something into a geordie hotspot. Mr Ashley, who made his fortune with the floatation of his Sports Direct retail chain, has tabled a £133.1m offer for the barcodes, according to the Daily Mirror.

So, in the words of many an enigmatic film - FIN. I shall be getting rather drunk tonight, watching a match that this time last year, my own team were involved in. It will no doubt bring back sad pangs of what could have been, but better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Or some tosh like that. Sayonara...

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