Wingers' World 14: Twisting My Melon
Happy Tuesday to you all. As we await with baited breath to find out what the deal is that Barry Silkman is conducting and concluding today for Arsenal is (Arseblog says it's the finalisation of the sale of Jeremie Aliadiere, which has been announced in the past hour...), what are you going to do with yourselves?
Luckily, here's a bit of a roundup of what's going on outside the good and just kingdom or Arsenal...
Gillett promises the best a man can get
George Gillett, one half of new hit comedy duo 'The American Likely La's', has reiterated he and Tom Hicks' intentions to back Rafa Ben-I-Tez in the transfer market.
Speaking to The Mirror newspaper, him who what be one of them there new Liverpool owners informed the red top 'I sense a pressure building to make signings,'
'The fans know that we have huge regard for Rafa.
The first part of the plan was to sign a number of our existing star players on long-term contracts. That has been done. Now we're moving on to phase two, which is bringing players in.'
Now, far be it from me to comment, but hell, I've got a big gob so I might as well, but Rick Parry has spoken out in support of Sheffield United, in their bid to have their relegation overturned, possibly as the expense of Wet Sham.
And Liverpool offer a paltry £1m for Yossi Benayoun. Which Wet Sham knocked back, understandably.
So, imagine if Wet Sham were relegated - some of their top players would want to leave, wouldn't they? And that benayoun chappie, he's quite a good player for them there irons... and Liverpool like him.
Surely Parry wouldnt be supporting Sheff Utd in the hope it might increase 'Pool's chances of getting Benayoun... no, I didn't think so, banish that thought from my mind...
Hey, Big Spenders...
Portuguese motormouth, and all-round humble fellow, Maureen O, of the Moscow State Circus, has once again been speaking about other teams (all a bit voyeuristic, if you ask me...), 'People ask Chelsea, 'Last season you won two trophies; why did you not win four?' But not many journalists ask Rafael Benitez and Arsene Wenger, 'Why zero?' And not many people ask Manchester United, 'Why only the Premiership?',' said the speshul wun in the club's official magazine (no, not the evening standard).
'Is it about money? If it is, I hope that next season the media put pressure on the big spenders because the big spenders for sure will not be Chelsea.
'The spenders will be Liverpool, Manchester United, Tottenham and maybe Arsenal. I don't know, but it won't be Chelsea for sure.
'So maybe at the beginning of next season they will say that Chelsea are not the favourites any more because the club did not spend so much money.'
And even though everyone had long since gone to bed, he rattled on, 'Young players are a little bit like melons. Only when you open and taste the melon are you 100 per cent sure that the melon is good, sometimes you have beautiful melons but they don't taste very good and some other melons are a bit ugly and when you open them, the taste is fantastic.
'One thing is youth football, one thing is professional football. The bridge is a difficult one to cross and they have to play with us and train with us for us to taste the melon.
'For example, Scott Sinclair, the way he played against Arsenal and Man United, we know the melon we have.'
So Scott Sinclair is a melon. He'll fit in well with all the plums he's got for team-mates, then. Under the guidance of their basketcase of a manager...
Boro fans downing the mouth
As if it wasn't bad enough losing Mark Viduka on a free (he even took all the receipts for the pies they bought for him, in his suitcase, so now 'boro can't claim it back on tax...), and seeing harry redknapp sniffing round their backdoor in the hope of snaffling back a striker he lost to them a couple of years ago, now a bit more bad news for the club's fans:
Stewart Downing is staying.
Boro's manager, Gareth Southgate, said, 'Stewart is definitely not for sale, so other clubs would be wasting their time even considering making an offer. The idea that we would want to sell the likes of Stewart is way off target.'
Rumours abound that David Moyes is poised to make an official approach later in the month, possibly for £10m, including James Beattie. Presumably by way of some sort of replacement for the departed Viduka, but why would Southgate want to replace a fat bloke who can score goals, with a fat bloke who can't?
Darren more interested in the right career than lots of bent banknotes...
Aspiring young english striker, Darren Bent, has apparently snubbed overtures by Liverpool and Totteringham HotSpurts for his signature, telling them , in no uncertain terms, 'umm, i'm not sure, in fact i don't think so... i think...'
Having rejected £75k a week from wet sham, the two new bidders were only willing to go up to £35k a week for his salary. Both clubs offer the prospect of European football to Bent, The Champions League in Liverpool's case, and the group stages of the UEFA cup, in the case of the 'spurts...
Who knows, maybe even Arsenal might bid for him? He's consistently scored goals in the top flight for the past three season (15, 22, 19), but can you really see Lord Wenger parting with £17m for Bent? Nah, me neither...
Fabio's no grooverider ...
Having just secured the Spanish League title, courtesy of 2 goals from on-loan Arsenal matador Jose Antonio Reyes, Fabio Capello has wasted no time in launching into an attack on the president, Ramón Calderón, who had been planning to replace the coach.
Quizzed as to if he would carry on as Real coach, Capello hit back: 'Don't ask me. Ask Calderón whether winning the league is enough for him or whether he will be on the phone to another manager tomorrow. I do not feel that I have had Calderón's support this season. He did not come down to the dressing room to congratulate the players and me after the game.'
Maybe we could get the two of them together and sort it out with a happy slapping contest, man to man, first one to cry and start shouting how they're gonna go get their bruv and their dog' loses...
Birmingham Hit Brick Wall While Trying To Get Wood
The Guardian newspaper reports that Brum have had a £3m offer rejected by Wet Sham for Marlon Harewood. The player, nowhere near good enough to be in the England squad, is now also now no longer deemed good enough for the 'appy 'ammers.
Harewood apparently has plenty of offers and will take his time deciding. Maybe this is the 'super super' player Le Boss has been talking about?
Weeeelllll... I'm hit a brick wall of my own, it's called 'more work to do'. So I'll have to leave it there.
Goodbye, my lovelies...