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Spurs In Shock Swoop

Vital Arsenal have just had a tip off that Spurs are about to make a shock swoop.

Following months of negotiations, and having just failed on bringing veteran striker Teddy Sheringham back to White Hart Lane, the board of Tottenham have turned their attention to Gary Lineker.

Lineker has agreed a two year deal to include 3 packets of Walkers salt and vinegar and one packet of barbeque beef per week.

Gary said: 'I'm delighted to be going back to Spurs, obviously I've not played for a while, but I think I fit in with Martin Jol's policy of buying youth to build for the future.'

Adding, 'I'm also really pleased with the terms. The salt and vinegar crisps are great, although I do think I've taken a bit of a risk with the barbeque beef ones, they are a little bit 'mad' for me, as I don't like anything too exotic'.

The Spurs fans, who are currently dancing in the streets for being above their local rivals Arsenal and evidently not realising the season hasn't ended yet, are said to be snapping up the replica shirts in great numbers. The Spurs Shop said: 'The demand has been unprecedented, we sold 3 shirts within a week and have had to take on extra staff to cope with the sudden rush'.

The Journalist

Writer: Rocky7 Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday January 30 2006

Time: 12:26AM

Your Comments (oldest first)

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Must be difficult finding things these days with Arsenal being so pitiful. At least Lineker would be able to kick a ball unlike Van Persie.
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30/01/2006 00:41:00

My God they really do allow any monkey to post articles on here don't they.
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30/01/2006 00:42:00

are you implying that oxygen is none other than the "he's pretty old so he should know better, van-nistelrooy-hater" martin keown?
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30/01/2006 00:48:00

Ha! Yes, very good, very funny. BUT Spurs are still above Arsenal!
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30/01/2006 01:12:00

Nice idea for a piece, badly exercised (the mood in the white side of North London is actually very cautious about Spurs' current league placing). All smells of sour, Uefa spot grapes to me. And one final point - If I was a Gooner, I'd sooner have Bob Wilson between the sticks than that petulant German pillock any day.
Report Abuse
30/01/2006 02:06:00

go .... ur mum u peaedo ....
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30/01/2006 02:22:00

van persie a ball... lol e cant even talk na girl into opening her legs wivout getting upset...? w**ker
Report Abuse
30/01/2006 02:47:00

I'll uck many girls, yr mum too lol but they will always smile n say plz (thrice), n if u fink u r finking dont u may explode gooner s**te lmao
Report Abuse
30/01/2006 02:49:00

Go on...? do i seem like someone that gives a s**te go back below the thames u dont have history... Johnny Lydon... yeah still cant sing and drop their nickers...
Report Abuse
30/01/2006 02:52:00

swoop lmao u cudnt swoop if u tried.... dream on... we did it better and earlier... follow yr leader and no i dont want yr sisters number... Stelios i uckin love yr header.... 1-0 get in the Giannno...! OK enuff i got some 18 yr old goonerette next to me.... how do i get her to take my cockerel on her tonsils... u dont know lol, welll lol now wonder she her tongue is lapping... go on use yr hand lol
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30/01/2006 02:57:00

love it
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30/01/2006 02:59:00

wot is it with librarians and boring that yr mum didnt mention lol cmonu spurs... oh n if u fink u can virus me... the Krays lol
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30/01/2006 03:01:00

Ha Ha, only an Arsenal fan, only an Arsenal fan!! Tos**r
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30/01/2006 05:37:00

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30/01/2006 08:41:00

I'm a Spurs fan and I have to say I think this article is funny! Come on Yiddos, get a sense of humour - and learn to spell for f*cks sake - at the moment the responses are embarassing nonsense and you're showing the side up! The article is funny. Laugh at it. And then laugh some more at the desperation of the Gooners. But don't sink to (and below) their level.
Report Abuse
30/01/2006 08:50:00

Hey Dark Knight they do allow Monkeys to post on here! And this monkey is pissing himself laughing at the Arse's season colapsing. I would have thought that the Arse would want to bid on Linekar to forge a 'partnership for the future' with Bergkamp
Report Abuse
30/01/2006 10:32:00

Hmmm... I'm a Spurs fan - but I must say Gilzean is what happens when a local "yoof" community centre get a computer and Internet access and they open it up to the council estates. Call me a snob but shut the f**k up Gilzean - you inbred twat - you're an embarassment to the Yid ranks and the human race..
Report Abuse
30/01/2006 11:03:00

I just heard Arsenal will be signing Stelios and Jason Roberts. Hey they need SOMEONE who can score for them after Henry leaves to win trophies P.S. OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE
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30/01/2006 14:00:00

The usual bog standard humour from them gooners. Us yido's were joking about it ourselves about three days ago, but then u scummers are always slow to catch on. Instead of worrying about spurs i suggest you have a look at your own club, having just been knocked out of both cups and wenger says you're focused on the league and Champions league now (bet Madrid are s**tting themselves). Cos u beat Boro reserves you thought everythong was rosy than comes two defeats and an aggregate loss...beautiful! P.S. u may wanna get Wrighty back in the summer cos Thierry's off to Barcelona, his little 'I love the club' speech has been done before by a certain Judas at the heart of your absymal defence right now. Talk is cheap. Come on you spurs!
the Nash
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30/01/2006 15:24:00

Will you be taking the piss when you learn Spurs have just scooped the hottest Property from Spain? Mr Fernando Torres
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30/01/2006 15:45:00

very f**king funny you gooner twat we will see who will finish forth and it isnt arsenal
Report Abuse
30/01/2006 17:16:00

Gary would be a better prospect than that useless gooner spic Reyes at £17 million what a waste of money he is
jacks dad
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31/01/2006 10:52:00

We would be better of with Gary than the gooner spic loser Reyes. £17 million what a waste of money.
jacks dad
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31/01/2006 14:17:00


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